How to Hide IT
by Make A Choice
Summary: This is why secrets are born. 1. Out of jealousy, 2. Out of fear, 3. Out of love. Is that why it hurts so much when a secret gets out? Maybe it depends on the secret and what happens after it's out...or maybe it's finding out the truth. Human.
1. Prologue

**Words: 551**

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**First off, let's get things straight.**

**I AM NOT STEPHENIE MEYER.**

**I am only a fan that loves her characters.**

**The only thing I own is this story line, but she holds all rights to the characters and to Twilight.**

**This disclaimer goes to the whole story**

:.:.:.:.:

On to the prologue…

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_Thanks to my beta **flamingo1325** for editing this!_

Bella's POV

Today was a nice day. The sun was shining without a cloud in sight and the birds chirped happily as time moved forward.

To an outsider looking in, all that would be seen was a brown haired girl with matching eyes and pale skin sitting in the park reading a book on a nice day. They would see nothing out of the ordinary with just a simple glimpse. But that wasn't the case at all. To the ones that looked at her, the ones that really looked, could see that all of the answers were in her eyes.

True, her eyes were on the page but they were not reading the words, after all she had been on that same page for at least three hours or so. If someone would have just taken the time out to look at her, they would see the dark purple circles under her eyes, the deadly paleness of her skin and the way she walked with her head always down and her shoulders slumped. But that wasn't all. Her eyes held no life; they had no sparkle that most would have. They were just there, with nothing special in them that showed she was there anymore. It hadn't been there for a while, so it hurt even more when she noticed how no one in her life seemed to notice how different she had become.

No one ever saw this because she knew how to hide her pain. No one knew her secrets because she knew how to lie. No one knew how much it hurt to see the one person you love the most fall into someone else's arms, knowing they would never feel that way about you. No one ever would, because no one knew me. Not even my best friend, who I always told everything to.

He didn't even know my secrets, because I knew how to hide it.

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**I decided to use the original prologue because I think it fits this story better, just in case you are wondering. :)(:**

**Really though, thank you for giving me a sec-**_**third**_** chance. I'll try to make this one work.'**

**I love all of my reviewers, and I mean it. You guys are why I love to write...and your the reason I get burned out from time to time. But whatever, it would happen one way or another.**

_**Love to all,**_

_**Miss Wannabe**_


	2. Fear of Now

**Words: 3,992 ****R&R. Enjoy.**

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_Thanks to my beta **flamingo1325** for editing this!_

_Chapter 1:_

_Fear of Now_

Bella's POV

I kept my head towards the ground as I opened the doors to Forks High. The warm stench of the old school filled my lungs in a familiar way that caused me to remember things I wished I could forget. I closed my eyes against the dampness that had begun to form in the rim of my eyes. There was no need for tears now; it was all in the past now.

With my locker number and schedule in hand, I walked down the empty halls with my heavy backpack hanging off my shoulders. I would glance up every second or so to see if I had reached my destination yet until I stood in front of the worn gray locker. Spinning in the combination then opening it with a 'click,' I put my backpack on the ground and started to unload. With six textbooks, notebooks, pens and highlighters in place I grabbed what I would need for…History, then made my way to the library.

Today was the first day of my junior year. I had moved to Forks six years ago, when I think I was in the fifth grade, to live with my dad after my mom got remarried to the baseball guy named Phil. They were Newlyweds and I was only ten years old…lets just say it was what my mother though was best. So I've lived here since then. A lot has happened since then…but that's a different story. You'll hear it one day.

I arrived at the library doors and pushed them open only to be met with the reek of old books. It felt like home. This place was like my safe haven now. It was the only place I felt welcomed anymore. The yellow flaked pages were like my brothers and sisters in a weird twisted sense. These books couldn't talk back to me; they couldn't call me names or hurt me with their words. Sure, each story is different; some with mystery, action, horror, heartache…everything you could ever see in the world all packed up into these pages. It was magnificent in so many ways.

When I reached the table in the back of the library, behind the fiction shelves, I pulled my backpack off and put it on the table then pulled my book out. I sat in the hard wooden chair and put the book on the table, opening it to read in the silent sanctuary. My brown hair framed my face like a curtain which was just what I wanted; it made me feel like I had more privacy in the huge room.

Time seemed to stand still as I lost myself in the words on the page. I felt as if everything stayed as it was as I watched the scene in the book play out in my head. The world meant nothing to me when I was in such deep thought. I could see it now. The girl was of the age of sixteen and lived in a broken house. Her mother was never there, as was her father. True, her parents both loved each other, but they were such different people that they clashed in the simplest situations. But you could see the love in their eyes when they looked at each other, anyone could. But she was so young that she didn't understand and-

"Do you think she'll show up?" a male voice said in an almost inaudible tone.

"Who knows? I doubt it though. I know I wouldn't. Not after what happened. Not after what she did." A female voice replied. They shared a breathless snicker then continued on with their conversation, not knowing I was just a few rows over.

"Well, I for one don't want someone like her here. Besides, she would just end up embarrassing herself even more." She said.

"She's isn't that bad of a person. Just a little…crazy." He said.

"That's putting it nicely."

"True."

"I just hope she's alright now."

"What? You just said-"

"I know what I just said Eric, I'm not stupid. But I've know her for years and she is a good person…she just has a few problems. Everybody has them."

"Yeah, I guess your right. She was a nice, but I for one am going to keep my distance from her. After that little stunt she did last year who knows what she's capable of."

"I agree. The last thing I need is for that lunatic to try to kill me or something." She continued on speaking but I had tuned her out after those words. The tears were silently running down my face as I sat frozen in the back of the library. A few minutes later I heard them leave and I was left back in my silent sanctuary.

I knew that was what they would think of me, but it hurt to hear it out load and in the open like that. I knew what I did wasn't right but…couldn't they at least try to understand. I was still me. I was still the same as I was before. That day I had just been pushed over the edge and I lost my temper. So what? Suddenly I'm this evil psychotic person who could kill you in a second's notice.

No, I wasn't crazy. I just have my breaking points like everybody else.

But it was me against the rest of the community. This was a small town so everybody knew before school had even let out that day. When Charlie had come home that evening he knew. He didn't voice it, but I could tell he knew by the way he suggested we just order a pizza and let him do the dishes. It was Charlie after all…since when did he know how to do dishes, right?

I had no friends except the ones that were in this room. Everyone that was my 'friend' hadn't spoken to me since that day. And over the summer, whenever I would see them in the stores or out on the streets, they would look a different way as if they didn't know me. Some of them would even give me hateful glares at times. So I settled for becoming friends with these books. The library was open through the summer for three days a week since it was the only reading center in the area. I was here everyday, alone. It was nice and peaceful sure, and I love it here and all but…I just wish someone would actually talk to me, other than Charlie. I wish I could just have a friend that would talk to me and not think of me as a crazy person.

I angrily wiped my tears away as two images popped into my head. He was standing in the park, beautiful as ever. His hair glistened a copper color and his eyes shimmered an emerald green. He was smiling my old smile; the one that could turn me into mush with just one glance. I smiled at the image. Then I remembered the last time I saw him, them, and my smile fell.

I had already lost my only two best friends to each other. So since that day I have decided not to trust anyone because the ones you trust are the ones who will hurt you the most in the end, and they always do. Trust me, I know.

_Ding. Ding. Ding._ Warning bell.

I picked up my things, putting my backpack on my back, and then took a deep breath closing my eyes. _Six more hours. Six more hours. Six more hours…_ I chanted in my head while I walked towards the wooden library doors. My hair shielded my face as I kept my head down and pulled the door open. A small gust of wind caused my hair to flutter out but not enough to show my full face. My eyes, I could feel, were still rimmed red. I didn't want to show them anymore than I had to.

I walked down the noisy hallway in silence as I walked to my History class. I knew this school like the back of my hand so I had no trouble finding the pale blue door that was already propped open. I walked through the threshold speedily then to the back row in the corner by the window. There were only a few select people here already, but no one who gave any notice to me, to which I was thankful for. With my backpack off and sitting on the ground, I sat in my seat.

Then I waited.

I put my head down, feigning sleep I knew I needed. Instead, I settled to looking outside into the gloomy day only Forks could give you. I absentmindedly drew eights on my desk with my finger tips as I waited for class to begin. History was one of my best subjects; not to mention one of the easiest. I heard the chair next to me scratch against the ground and fill up but I didn't look to see who it was; I didn't care.

The door closed but the noise of the students did not end until Mr. Jefferson opened his mouth and spoke.

"Settle down class…settle down. Now, summer is over so it's time to work." The class whined and moaned in protest, but they were soon silenced but Jefferson slamming down a stack of books. All was silent for the rest of the period.

I wrote down the notes as usual to study later on. Jefferson never was one to waist time but he was a great teacher. He was in the middle of the Civil War when something landed on my desk. My brows furrowed in confusion and I looked to my left to see who had thrown it. Jessica.

I fought the urge to not roll my eyes. She was the town gossip. I blamed her for word getting out so fast last year about what had happened. I gave her one last sideways glance before looking at the folded notebook paper that sat on my desk. I didn't want to read it but the curiosity was too much. So instead of opening it up right then and there I threw it into my backpack to maybe look at it later.

Jessica huffed next to me and I could only imagine her face: pouting like a two year old with her head resting in one of her hands. She never was a nice person so whatever was in that little note I wouldn't be answering. Ever.

I went back to taking my notes and not looking into anyone's face. Soon the bell rang signaling second period so I was soon off to math. Yay.

I didn't look at anyone while I walked through the halls but I did notice some things that you didn't necessarily need eyes for. One thing I noticed was people moved out of the way for me and silenced their conversation when I passed. I could feel their eyes on my but I never looked up to meet them. Soon I walked into the nearly empty room and, again, took a seat in the back by the window. I waited in silence again for class to start. This time I tapped my fingers against the fake wood instead of drawing the eights. If you couldn't tell already, I was bored out of my mind. I didn't like to read when other people were around, except during lunch, because I just couldn't focus as well with them around.

The shrill sounds of the bell rang through the room again and the door shut. Mrs. Elk started class with an introduction then a warm up. I pulled out my blue notebook and opened it to the first page to start writing it down. Since it was second period the class wasn't as resistant as before so class started off on a smooth note. No one sat next to me or in front of my but I was okay with it. I couldn't force anyone to sit near me and I didn't want to. To each his own.

I finished writing the problem then looked up again to the green black board when something caught my eye. The copper colored hair glistened faintly against the florescent lights showing specs of red in various places. The pale skin that was its backdrop emphasized it even more and I could only imagine what the emerald eyes did to the beautiful image.

"Ms. Swan?" My head jerked to the front and my eyes widened. I felt my cheeks fill with flames as embarrassment flooded through my body.

"Um…y-yes…" I stuttered out stupidly which only caused my cheeks to burn even more.

"The answer?" She said while pointing towards the board. I looked at it then looked down at my paper. I had already finished that one and luckily it was one that I knew I was good at.

"4.67 centimeters." I told her after clearing my throat. She smiled and said thank you then moved on calling on Jessica, who made up a pathetic excuse that she couldn't see the board. She was in the first row.

I looked back down at my paper and finished the rest of the problems just in case I was called on again. It was just review from last year so it was nothing new to me; I had been practicing them over the summer. When I finished, I took the chance and looked up only to be met with a pair of beautiful green eyes.

When our eyes met I felt my body stiffen and couldn't move. His eyes were cold and emotionless as he gazed at me. If I hadn't already been frozen, I would have flinched away at the sight. His eyes stayed firm as mine slowly filled with water. This was the first time I had seen him since last year. I had missed the sight of him so much in the last three months. I missed how protective he was over me or how he could make me feel weightless with a simple smile. I missed him. But I knew he didn't miss me, he hated me.

He turned forward again to continue working. I was only left with the sight of his messy bronze hair but that was all I needed. I looked back down at my paper and blinked the tears away. Stupid emotions. Could I not go a day without crying?

Soon the bell rang and he was out of the room faster than a speeding bullet. I gathered my things and followed his lead. Next I had English which was to the right. He turned to the left. I turned my way and did as I had before. People moved and I passed them silently. I got there, sat in the back and waited. Class would start, I would take notes then the bell would ring. I did that in all my classes up until lunch-after fifth period- where I sat at a table in the back corner by myself. The library wasn't open during lunch and we weren't allowed to leave the school with out a note so I was stuck.

I pulled my book out and began to read from where I left off. I couldn't get the look of his eyes out of my head. The coldness that hadn't been there before, the look of hatred when he looked at me was something I had never seen before and wished to never see again. It hurt deep in my chest when I thought about him but I couldn't help myself. He was too beautiful to forget.

I looked at the words that were on the page but couldn't really see them. My mind went to places all its own; places I didn't ever want to see again. Then there I was, back to the last day of school where everything happened. Everything I wished I could erase. Everything I wished I could forget.

_Why won't you just talk to me!?_

_Please, tell me why I should!_

_What did I do wrong?_

_You're really going to ask that?_

_I don't know wh-_

_You couldn't accept it! I give and do everything for you but you couldn't accept the one thing I asked you to. One thing!._

_Ed-_

_Plus after hearing the things about you in the locker room, why should I be friends with someone like you?_

_Please-_

_Leave us alone! Neither of us wants to be associated with you any longer so please stay away from us! _

_But I-_

_I hate you._

The words replayed in my mind over and over again without the scene in minds sight. I could see the tears fall onto the pages before I could do anything about them. I sniffled then wiped the tears. The words were branded into my heart so as to never be removed. _I hate you._ They still felt as fresh as the day they arrived.

Out of no where, I felt something cold and wet fall down my back. My back straightened at the feel and a shiver ran through me from both the chilly feel and fright. I twisted my arm and hand back as much as possible until I felt the frosty liquid. It had fallen from the back of my neck to the end of my back. I pulled my hand forward and saw translucent blue. Blue icee. I turned around and saw Tyler laughing wildly with Mike by his side. Half of the cafeteria was in hysterics by then, including the table he sat at; his laughter included.

He was laughing uncontrollably. So much that his face had turned slightly red from lack of oxygen. He looked up and his eyes connected with mine in the same moment. His laughter slowly died until his face was still and his mouth in a firm line. He cleared his throat but did not move. The look in his eyes was one I couldn't describe but one I would never forget. For more reasons than one. The heartless side of me hoped this hurt him. In fact I wished it upon him. But you would never know it by the look on my face at that moment. No one could see my true feelings at that moment.

I felt the sob invade my throat before the tears filled my eyes. I grabbed my book and put it into my backpack and grabbed my jacket. I put on the jacket, which caused the coolness from the drink to press closer to my skin. It was an attempt to somewhat hide it, and then my backpack went on top of it. The laughter continued and the rude comments continued to invade my ears but I ignored the words. Actions spoke louder anyway.

With all of my things I left the cafeteria in a hurry without looking back once. I walked to the front doors of the school and into the parking lot. I was going home. Missing a few classes was better than this. Flunking out was better than this.

I pulled the door to my big red truck open and threw my backpack to the other side. I sat in the seat, closing whatever proximity that was left between the wet parts of my shirt to my already shaking skin, and started the car with a thunderous roar. My eyes caught myself in the mirror and I froze for a second to see the damage my tears had done. My lifeless eyes were red and puffy, as to be expected, and my cheeks were a bright red. It had been lightly raining so my hair was lightly coated with the rain's moisture. Those were the only alien like things though. The purple bruises under my eyes were still there and so was the new paleness that had taken over my skin (It could be seen in parts of my neck). My tears went over my sunk in cheek bones and fell down my bony jaw. I never noticed how much weight I had lost. Then again this was the first time I had look into a mirror in over two months. I had felt my eyes and skin change slowly through the summer months.

I pulled my eyes away and put the massive lovable truck into reverse. For a second I thought I saw someone walk through the doors but I couldn't have been sure because I never pulled my eyes in that direction to check. The only reason the thought even came to mind was because it stood out against the green and brown of the woods that stood behind the school. But it could have been just a trick of the light. Some things, when they hit the light, reflect something bronze like.

Wow, I couldn't even lie to myself.

But I wouldn't let myself feel hope in anyway. I wouldn't look back to see if he was standing there because I knew either way I would either feel pain or hope, maybe even both. So I didn't look back. I didn't want to know: period. I just drove home to find some refuge in my old house.

I still couldn't wrap my mind around why they would do that. It was so childish but it still hurt all the same. I think they just did it because they thought it would make them look better in some way. I don't know how it would, but Tyler and Mike, being Tyler and Mike, never really had to have a reason for anything they did.

His face was still stuck in my head though. Behind the other faces on the other side of the cafeteria, he sat with his new 'friends' and laughed away. It was almost as if he had supported what they did to me. When his laughter stopped and his face stilled, the look that was on it showed one of pain and regret but I couldn't see why. It was probably his idea in the first place. But then I looked into his eyes when they met mine and they showed me something different.

I promised myself that I would try my hardest not remember that day or the events that led up to it. Truly I did. Everything that was said and done never really did need to happen. But we were afraid to show how we felt, afraid of what would happen. We didn't want things to change. We didn't want to hurt or lose one another. We meant too much to each other to bring the other pain. But our fear caused us to not think clearly, it over shadowed what we knew was right. This was the result.

I pulled up to my old house and parked in the driveway. I grabbed my bag and opened the metal rusty door as it creaked open. Slamming it shut, I stepped into the rain that had gained strength and walked up the steps with my backpack in hand. I unlocked the door with the key that was next to the one for my car and opened the front door. Stepping inside, I closed the door on the rest of the world with hopes of a better tomorrow that I knew would never come.

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**Sad...I know. You'll figure out what she did in the next chapter so don't freak. **

**Well, some of you might hate this version, then others of you might like it a lot more. So tell me what you think. You guys that have read my other stories know I would rather know what you really think than for you to sugar coat it. **

**So review and tell me what you think so far.**

**Remember- ****You review/I send a quote****. :)(: I'm like that one fish in Finding Nemo that is like, ****"Bubbles! Bubbles! My Bubbles...",**** only with reviews, not bubbles so please review. They make me happy.**

_**Love to all,**_

_**Miss Wannabe**_


	3. Past Life

**Words: 3,081 R&R Enjoy!**

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_Thanks to my beta **flamingo1325** for editing this!_

_Chapter 2:_

_Past Life_

Bella's POV

I mindlessly locked the front door and walked up my stairs. After tossing my backpack onto my bed, I walked though the threshold of my bathroom. The aged pastel peach that colored the walls was nothing to me. I saw and felt nothing.

I took a quick shower to make sure the now dried sticky liquid was completely off of my body. I scrubbed my skin thoroughly to make sure all of it was gone. I think I might have accidently even broken the skin in some spots but I never looked to make sure. I barely felt the rag touch my skin anyway.

I stepped out into the fogged bathroom, completely ignoring the misted mirror. I walked into my room then towards my closet. Opening the door, I prepared to grab a pair of pajamas when a green plastic bag caught my eye. I quickly grabbed my things and slammed the door shut with a shaking hand while my brown orbs watered. I blinked them away and dressed mindlessly as the silk stuck to my skin, trying my hardest for the memories to not resurface.

My head was pounding. It could have been from any number of things such as lack of sleep or from just being emotionally drained. Either way it didn't matter. The feeling was there but I barely acknowledged it. I tried not to acknowledge anything about myself to say the truth. Knowing why I was this way wouldn't matter because even if I changed and got better, no one would notice because no one notices me.

I grabbed my previously worn jeans and shirt that now reeked of artificial raspberries and threw them in the wash to rid them of the smell. With soap and water in, I turned the knob to start the course of action. I walked up the creaky worn steps with the sound of the washer in the distance. With mindless eyes I walked to my bed and sat down. The silence was nearly deafening. If it hadn't been for the extremely faint tossing and turning of the washer downstairs, I could have sworn this all could have been a dream…or nightmare.

My hair was drying and my pajamas barely stuck to my skin anymore. With my legs crossed under me I put my brush next to my end table where it would stay until I decided to move again. The washer beeped loudly downstairs, signaling my clothes were half finished but I didn't move from my spot. Instead, I stretched my shiny blue covered legs out in front of me and pulled the covers over them. I knew Charlie would be home late so I wouldn't have to confront him about today until tomorrow.

My head hit the pillow softly and my eyes fluttered closed before I could grasp what my body was doing. My mind drifted off soon and I was met with things I didn't want to see. But, alas, you can't run from the past forever.

Blackness covered my eyes. I could hear a faint sound somewhere, a whimper, in the distance but could see nothing. Then the darkness started to lighten, until everything was in view. I was in my room, standing outside my closet doors looking onto the bed where I saw…me.

I, the one sitting on the bed, had her legs crossed and I book in her lap as she gazed down at it. She rested her elbows on her knees and her hands under the book. Her hair created a small curtain around her face from the sides but I could see my face clearly from where I stood in front of her. She had tears silently running down her face as she looked at the book. I minimized our distance by walking forward and kneeling on the ground next to her and the bed. Once I got there and looked at the book I realized it was a photo album. It was one that I now had hidden deep within my closet away from my eyes. I remembered this day.

The album was of Edward and me at various ages. They started at fifth grade all the way up to our last summer. I reached up to try and wipe away some of the tears that dripped from her chin but my hand would just pass through my face. She—the one on the bed—didn't even notice a change. Her hand then lifted from under the album and tuned the page. It was of our first day in sixth grade. Edward stood next to me with his crooked smile while I looked down at the ground shyly. Edward had his arm draped over my shoulder while he looked into the camera lens. I think that was why my smile stayed on for the rest of the day.

Then there was one of the last ones, one that was taken more recently. It was a picture of us when we were at the meadow—the meadow was a place he had found one day in the forest when he had wondered off from his parents. He was twelve then—one day. We were stretched out side by side in the grass as the sun shined onto us. Edward had lifted the camera above us which created a shadow that outlined the camera on top of our faces. Half of the shadow fell onto me while the other half fell on him. We both were smiling like idiots but we couldn't help it for some reason. I can't even remember what it was about but we were happy then. It's strange how things changed so drastically in just a year's time. This was the last time I had been to the meadow.

The album then slammed shut and was thrown across the room until it hit the far wall next to the closet. A loud sob escaped from her throat as she buried her head in her hands. Her back bent forward as she created a ball like shape while she sobbed endlessly. She began to rock back and forth slowly while she sobbed. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to stop her pain from continuing. I wanted to stop the tears from falling any longer but to no avail I couldn't. All I could do was kneel there and watch her cry. Her pale skin had turned red from the emotions that flowed through her. Her eyes, from what I could see behind her shaking hands, were puffy and red with endless tears leaking from them. Just from seeing this, remembering it, made my heart break all over again.

I wanted to do something; I wanted to stop her from the future she was going to create. She had no idea what was going to result from her actions. She had no idea what other people would do, what they would change. She didn't think, and that was her down fall.

Her hands pulled away from her face and I saw the anger I had felt that day. The pain, the rage, regret, betrayal, and despair…it was all written across her face. It had always been there. Maybe not at the same time, maybe there was never enough of it to show up even…but it was there. She kept it hidden underneath the skin so as to not draw attention in anyway. She didn't want people to worry about her because there was nothing…most of them, could do about it. The damage had been done.

Then the scenery changed when I saw her get off the bed and stand. I was back at school. It was in the middle of first period so the hallways were vacant of prying eyes. My steps showed the anger that flowed through my veins as the sounds echoed against the metal of the lockers and the plaster of the walls. You could see the rage that lay hidden behind my eyes, but I knew what to do to keep it hidden.

From time to time I would watch people's reactions to things. How they would react to laughter, sadness, suspicion, pain…all of it. It sounded creepy now but in return I was given very valuable information. I knew how to hide how I felt, how to hide my feelings easily. I wasn't as bad of an actress as he thought.

I continued walking forward. My eyes kept watch for teachers unknowingly. Luckily none were found by the time I reached my destination. I spun in the combination I had seen so many times and heard it open with a 'click'. When I opened it I was met with something heart breaking but it didn't stop me. There were pictures of them together. They were holding hands, touching, kissing…everything that should have been my job. The images would forever be burned into my memories but I refused to dwell on them. No good would come from that.

I didn't touch a thing of the lying bit-_hers_. Instead I reached back into my backpack and pulled out the container. When it was in front of me I opened the plastic lid and was met with the stench of the four small frogs with their beady eyes looking up at me and around the rest of the surroundings. Mind you, when I got them from the forest they were healthy as could be. I even gave them grasshoppers before putting them in here and put holes in the lid so that they could breath. I just meant for them to scare her or gross her out. Those were my only intentions. I never meant for them to eat the small erasers she had laying out behind her notebook. I never meant for them to eat them. I never meant for them to die. I never meant to be seen. I never meant to be caught.

The scene changed again, only this time the images played out much more quickly than before. Me walking out to my red truck while a light mist played in the air, waiting for the bell to ring, walking through the doors again with a light layer of dampness in my hair, then hearing the scream, walking into my second period with more guilt than the world could grasp, getting called down to the principles office, suspension for two days…all of it was something I wished I could erase. I never meant for it to happen that way. It was only meant to be a prank against the girl that ruined my life.

No one believed me when I said I hadn't killed them before hand. I told them everything, every drop of it being the truth. I told them that they had been alive when I had placed them in there. But still, even after my explanation, I was still looked at as the girl who killed four frogs then put them in Jenny Mars's locker. I was looked at as a jealous freak. Jealous, maybe, but not a freak.

What about when they poured a drink down my back, or tripped me in the halls and called me names; is that normal? What was their reason for doing those things to me? Is it some sort of sick punishment that I somehow deserve because of a freak accident? Because of an accident?! If they had been in my shoes, they would have done the exact same thing if not something alone the same lines! I am not a freak! I'm not some sick demented person that plays with dead frogs! I'm not that type of a person!

With all the name calling and all the accusations with the rumors, none of it compared to Edward's reaction. _What it wrong with you?! How could you do this?! Do you really hate us that much? Me that much?! Leave us alone! Neither of us wants to be associated with you any longer so please stay away from us! I hate you…_

I bolted forward in my bed with tears mixed with sweat dripping off of my face as I sobbed. I was still in my room. The moon light proved I had been sleeping. Unfortunately I knew it was no dream, if anything it was a nightmare that had been released onto the real world. I knew what was real and what was fake.

The dream hurt me though, more than I could have imagined. I hurt more now than the day it had happened. A dull pain had formed in my chest that I wished would go away but I knew it never would. Everything from that day months ago resurfaced from were I had hidden it and it wouldn't go back, it wouldn't go away. It wasn't even a big deal, yet high school being high school, it grew into something it wasn't. Next thing I knew I was the girl that abused animals. Then I was the one that butchered them. After the last one I stopped paying attention to the stupid rumors.

I calmed my breathing down and wiped the liquid from my eyes then glanced at the clock. _2:03 Am. _But it didn't bother me. I wasn't planning on going to school tomorrow anyway, but I knew I would be forced to either by the little voice in my head or from the guilt of disappointing Charlie even more. Since that day, things had been slightly harder on him. Can you imagine having an entire town think that your daughter slaughters animals in her spare time? On top of him being the Chief of police? I didn't even want to think about the embarrassment I had caused him.

I pulled myself out of bed slowly and stood shakily. My stomach growled but I ignored it. I wouldn't have been able to keep anything down anyway.

I walked into the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth. I ran the washcloth under the sink water on cold and held it to my face, still not looking into the mirror. I turned and flicked the light off then went back to my room with the damp cloth in my hand. All I remember was lying down and putting the cloth on my forehead, wishing that the next time I was to awaken that things would go back to the way they used to be. Deep down I knew they never would, but dreaming was believing.

--

The sun light shined through my window and onto my closed eyes. The light red glow mocked me until I opened my eyes, fully waking up. I yawned loudly and stretched across my bed with cat like characteristics. I turned my head to the side and felt something wet slide against my face. I stopped for a moment and turned to see what it was. The washcloth was mostly dry now, barley even damp. My pillow, though, was wet. Then last night's events played through my head again and I felt my eyes water. Stupid emotions.

I jumped out of bed with the washcloth in hand and found myself falling straight towards the ground after my legs got caught in the sheet of my bed.

"Stupid sheets." I muttered mindlessly as I twisted my way out of them. I stood then, thankfully staying up this time, and walked into the bathroom to hang the washcloth up.

When that was finished I walked downstairs carefully and into the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice when a piece of paper on the kitchen table caught my eye. With confusion running in me I walked towards it and saw it was a note from Charlie.

_Bells,_

_I already called the school and told them you were out sick today._

_I know it's hard for you so I'm letting you stay home today. I know you just had the whole summer off but I had a feeling something happened yesterday when I came home and you were already in bed. _

_I'll bring home a pizza tonight so you don't have to worry about dinner. _

_Everything will be okay._

_I love you._

_Dad_

I felt a warm fire spread through my chest as I read the words from my dad. He was always the quiet type and had always had a hard time showing his emotions, just like me, but every now and then he would do something that showed you how much he cared. Him doing this, him noticing, meant more to me than he would ever know.

I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall and my eyes widened. _2:40Pm. _The clock showed that school had let out about ten minutes ago. I had slept for a very long time but it was a good thing. I needed it.

I sighed and went back upstairs to my room. I put the note on my bed and walked to my closet to dress in some around the house clothes. The moment my closet door creaked open the sight of the green bag once again caught my eye. I looked at it for a moment but then looked away with a small amount of dampness gathered in my eyes. I grabbed some old black sweatpants and a blue t-shirt then dressed out of my nightclothes.

I grabbed the green bag then shut the closet door. I was prepared to throw the haunting gift away when I heard the doorbell downstairs ring. As of recently, it was a rare occurrence for us to have a visitor outside of Billy, who lives in La Push with his son. Thinking that it was him and his son I walked down the old wooden stairs and to the front door. I could see the shadow of the figure behind the hazy glass but I couldn't tell who it was. I hadn't heard a car pull up so there was no saying how long they had been here so there was no use in keeping them waiting.

After twisting the lock and putting my hand on the knob, expecting the tan old man and his young son, I twisted it only to reveal the face of a God with emerald green eyes.

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**Three guesses who it is.**

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**So, I know** **not a ton happened in this chapter, and I know there are probably more questions now but just know everything will be answered by the end. I PROMISE! Just give it time.**

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_**Miss Wannabe**_


	4. If You Love Me, Wont You Let Me Know

**Words: 2,930 :)(:**

**"His eyes were locked with mine in an unmovable stance that could never be tamed." So, yeah. This means nothing except that it is my favorite line in this chapter.**

**And, I don't really like 1/3 of the chapter. Don't worry, I'm not going to rewrite it again, relax. I only say that because the ending part, after the -:- thing, is kind boring only because I needed to pass the time in it sooo...yeah. **

**Tell me what you think! R&R!**

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_Thanks to my beta **flamingo1325** for editing this!_

_Chapter 3:_

_If You Love Me, Won't You Let Me Know_

Bella's POV

He stood in front of me in all his glory with an emotionless face. I stood in my doorway stock still, frozen in shock. With my right hand glued to the handle, I didn't know what to say. I wanted to know why he was here but my lips remained motionless. Instead of speaking, I found myself gazing at him in complete adoration. I could feel the emotion start in the pit of my stomach, then it traveled to the center of my heart all the way up to my head. My cheeks flushed scarlet in response. I just prayed that he could not see the love shining through my eyes at that moment. I'm not sure I could handle anymore rejection on his part.

The atmosphere was silent except for the natural sounds that flowed through the air. His eyes were locked with mine in an unmovable stance that could never be tamed. I could see each fleck of green that completed his round emerald eyes just as sure as I was that he could see each average speck of brown that inhabited mine. But at that moment I didn't care as much as I usually did, as much as before when I was around Edward. I knew what the feeling was but I didn't know how to put it into words. I had never associated it towards Edward before and it felt quiet strange to feel it directed toward him for once.

Before everything happened, I would try to maybe brush my hair out more, or wear my clothes better when I knew Edward would be seeing me. I wanted to look as good as possible for him because I wanted him to want me in the way I wanted him. Since I discovered that I would never stand a chance as anything more than just a friend I had stopped trying so hard. Since that day Edward told me how he felt towards me after the…incident…I hadn't spoken to or seen him. Now I just didn't care anymore. Why should I try to make myself look the best I can when I know the person it's meant for would never even give me a second glance.

Then seeing the way people treated me after a complete lie, it just showed that they would believe what they wanted. When I made this revelation it was like that moment in time when you feel as if you've figure everything out; like the secret door that you always knew was there but had just been shown for your eyes only. Like that secret you always knew existed but you never knew what it was. I opened the door and I knew the secret when I looked up into his eyes. I knew now it didn't matter what he or anyone thought of me anymore because I knew I would never have a chance with him any longer. I knew I would never be who I once was in their eyes. He had already found his love so there was no use in trying to prove to him that he had chosen wrong. He had said so many times before. I just wish my heart would listen to his words for once, and stop making me want to prove him wrong even more.

"Isabella." Edward acknowledged me in a clear, cold voice. His face was void of emotion so the only feeling I could make out was through his voice…and it scared me. I felt the shiver of fear travel down my spine but I didn't show it. If there was ever a time before when I needed a back bone, it was now.

"Edward." I said in the same voice. I felt my eyes shift in what I could only assume was a glare. With the green bag still in my left hand, my fist curled tightly around the thick plastic and created a loud and unattractive sound. Neither of us shifted our eyes though, as we stared each other down. He smirked in an evil way; one I had rarely ever seen on his face so the sight frightened me a little. The pain grew in my chest when I acknowledged it was aimed at me.

"The school thought it would be a good idea for you to have your work from today so that you would be caught up with your classes by tomorrow. They asked me to so here I am. Here." He said, thrusting the papers at me and into my chest. The force from it wasn't intended to be rough, but it caused me to take a step back. I tripped over my two feet and fell backwards…hard.

"Ow!" I whimpered out loudly with the stupid tears already forming in my eyes. I had landed on my tailbone and since I had lost so much weight the smallest things seemed to hurt so much more. The pain was almost unbearable. Instead of my tailbone hitting the tissue that should have been there, it felt as if the bone had slammed against the wooden floor all on its own, right through the skin. I knew it hadn't because I didn't smell any blood, but the feeling was still there. At least I could tell it wasn't broken. I knew these types of things.

I looked up through my clouded eyes and could see the figure that was Edward looking down at me. I leaned myself forward slowly and put my right hand on the injured spot. The bruise was already forming.

The green bag dropped when I went down, and now sat next to my hurt body. I wiped the tears away, removing the streaming liquid from my face onto my hand. Looking up again I saw him still standing there, only now with his mouth slightly open and eyes wide in shock. He didn't move. He hadn't moved even an inch.

The papers, which thankfully had been a paper-clipped together, lay now by my bare feet with little disarray. I pulled both of my hands forward then and tried pushed myself up slowly but carefully. I was a little less than halfway up when my frail arms gave out and I fell again. My back was killing me so each movement multiplied the pain. I sat still for a second before trying again. The only difference was I had unwanted help.

"Here, let me help you." He reached out to try and pull me up but I flinched away from his welcoming hands.

"Please…don't." I said quietly as I continued to try and push myself up.

"I'm sorry Be-" He was saying when I cut him off.

"Don't." I said through gritted teeth as I pushed myself up fully. I wobbled a little and he didn't restrain from attempting to help me.

"Bella pl-"

"Please just stop. Remember? You didn't want anything to do with me. So what's changed? You're still the same heartless bastard you were before." I said while I pushed his hands off my arms and grabbed onto the door frame. I was still somewhat bent at the hip a little, but not enough to where it looked like I was in excruciating pain. Because I was.

The look in his eyes could have made a soldier cry but my face did not change from my cold emotion. Inside I was dying because even though I knew he could never love me, I still loved him. I could never truly hate him. It would kill me to do so.

As soon as the heartbreaking expression entered his face it was gone. He was back to his hard cold expression that seemed to almost never leave his face. I felt my resolve crumble slightly but I still stood strong. The façade I had created was all I had left to hide my emotions. It was all I had left to hide my love for him. It was all I had left to hide it.

"Make sure the work is finished by tomorrow." He said before turning on his heel and walking back to his silver Volvo. I could see the outline of a feminine shadow in the passenger seat and immediately knew who it was. Pain encircled my heart but I did not show it on my face. I watched him walk away towards where she waited and felt myself begin to break. I turned on my heel and was about to close the door when the sight of green caught my eyes. I froze for a second before deciding on what to do with it.

"Hey…Edward!" I yelled out through the wind that had pick up in the small amount of time that my front door had been open. I turned back to face him with the green bag in hand. He stopped and looked at me with an annoyed expression that covered his features. He was halfway to his car by then so I guess he had assumed he was finished dealing with me. Not quiet. "Here." I said before tossing the reminder of our relationship at him without a second thought. He caught it swiftly and looked at me with questioning eyes. "It's something I was going to give you for your birthday! I guess my invitation got lost in the mail!" I said before walking fully inside and slamming the door, turning the lock with a click.

My back was against the door as I waited for the purr of his Volvo to being. I didn't look out the window to see what he did with it. He now had it and could do with it what he could.

And within that minute I heard the soft purr of his Volvo begin then slowly decrease in sound until there was silence in the air. I sank to the ground and held my knees to my chest. I did not cry though. I had cried enough lately.

-:-:-:-

I finished all the school work I had missed and cleaned the house a little. By the time Charlie had gotten home the house was clean enough to eat off of and I was in the shower.

When I finished I stepped out of the tiled rectangle and wrapped my green towel around myself. I stepped towards the mirror that hung above the sink and looked at it. It was fogged over from the heat of the shower so I was unable to see my reflection through it. I didn't move from my spot and my arms stayed motionless against my sides. I didn't want to see me anymore. Anyone was better than me. I didn't care what others thought of me and I didn't care about myself because there was no reason to. If no one else wanted you what was the point of even being around? I had no one else in this world. The only people that might care about what happens to me would be Charlie and Renee. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were oto busy in college to worry about one of their high school friends. I hadn't talked to any of them in months and none of them had tried to contact me. They were probably all on Edward's side; they were his siblings after all.

I turned on my bare heel and stepped into the hallway, turning the fluorescent light out as I passed. I shivered slightly when the cool air of the house caressed my damp skin, which caused me to pull my towel closer to my body. My stomach growled, showing I was hungry as I made my way towards my room. I walked in and closed it behind me. When I turned I saw that there was something on my desk; pizza and a glass of water. A small smile graced my lips as I thought of Charlie putting it there. He really was worth so much more than the world would ever know.

I dress in pajama pants and a t-shirt. I tied my pajama pants string in a knot because they were too big for me now, but it wasn't too bad. I turned on my desk light against the dark room and started to eat by myself.

As I ate at my desk I decided to write an email to my mother Renee. After ten minutes my computer was ready to go.

_Hi mom, _

_Nothing much is going on here. I just started school but that's about it._

_How's Phil and Florida?_

_Love,_

_Bella_

It was short but sufficient. I never told her about everything that had happened. Charlie might have, but if so, neither had shown any sign of it. Most of the emails she did send were questions about how I was and what I was doing. I knew she was happy where she was and I was happy here. That was all she needed to know.

I shut it down and finished my dinner. I left my dirty dishes on my desk and turned off my desk light. The moonlight was the only thing that guided me to my bed, where I lied under the covers and closed my eyes against the darkness. I had nothing to do. Nothing to clean. No one to call. No one talk too. I had nothing left except sleep. So I did.

-:-:-:-

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Be-_

The alarm silenced against the stroke of my hand. I rolled to my side and glance at the demon clock. _6:00 Am._ The clock showed against the still darkness of my room. The moon was still out and would be for at least another twenty minutes or so. I pulled myself forward and cracked my neck before getting out of bed and getting dressed. I opened my closet door and grabbed a pair of jeans and a brown shirt with white socks. I changed quickly and put my pajamas from the previous night in my rocking chair. I didn't even glance at the spot where the green bag once laid. I was proud of myself.

I slide on my socks and shoes then went to the bathroom. After taking care of my business I went into my room and grabbed my dishes from the previous night. I held onto the railing so as not to trip and fall as I knew I would. The last thing I needed was to trip and have the glass dishes shatter all over the floor.

When my foot touched the floor I walked into the kitchen and cleaned them silently. I grabbed a granola bar and an apple I knew I wouldn't eat and put it into my backpack for lunch. I looked up at the clock to check the time. Charlie leaves at five thirty every morning so I knew I was home alone.

_6:35 Am._

Geez time flew. I grabbed my backpack and jacket then walked out the door. I locked the front door and walked toward my big red monster as the sun shined from behind the thick clouds. Only in Forks.

I opened the large rusted door and was met with the smell of mint and tobacco. I jumped in and slammed it shut, causing the whole car to shake a little along with it. I put the key in the ignition then turned it. A dragon sized roar filled the air that felt like home. I loved this truck. It would always hold a special place in my heart.

I pulled out along the gravel of my driveway and started my way towards Forks High School. I had tried to keep my thoughts about today blank but to no avail I lost. I was scared. Scared that today would be worst than Monday. But I had no choice. I knew that even if I tried I would still end up going to school. The more I go the sooner I can leave, forever.

I would treat today the same way as Monday. I would keep my head low, I would not raise my hand to answer any questions in class and I would not talk to anyone. Keeping a low profile and pretending I didn't exist was the only way I could stay safe.

The school came into view as I pulled into the vacant parking lot. The cloudy skies created an eerie feeling in the atmosphere but I still continued on. In the parking lot there was maybe a total of six or seven cars here already. There was still forty minutes left before school even started so the empty spots would fill soon. I parked in the front row at the very end and took my key out of the ignition. I opened my door and closed it in the same fashion as before. I made my way toward the building after locking my baby and putting my jacket on along with my backpack. I opened the glass doors of Forks High and walked towards the library the same way I had before. The only difference was I ran into something that wasn't supposed to be there.

I stumbled slightly and looked up into the blue eyes that could belong to one person and one person only.

Mike Newton.

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**hi.**

**what do you think? Don't lie to me because I would like the truth please.**

**And what was in the green bag will be shown later on. :)(:**

**YOU** _REVIEW_**-- I send you a** _QUOTE _**from the next chapter! :)**

**Has anyone heard any of the new songs from Coldplay? (Viva La Vida, Violet Hill) I like them, a lot. And the title of the chapter doesn't really go with the chapter in a very good way, but I'm listening to Violet Hill and decided to use a line from the song as the title because I couldn't think of one. **

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	5. Envy's Green Bag

**Words: 2,896**

**And for those of you who reviewed the last chapter (all 37 of you) you got a little present today.**

**R&R Enjoy!**

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_Thanks to my beta **flamingo1325** for editing this!_

_Chapter 4:_

_Envy's Green Bag_

Bella's POV

"Excuse me." I said after turning my head towards the ground. When my eyes met his, fear began to build in the pit of my stomach. I knew I wasn't safe around him, but what could I do now? I was alone, as always.

Mike had been one of those people who had been good to me since I moved here. True, he had always had a crush on me but I never gave him the chance to take me out because I never felt anything except friendship towards him. He was my friend. Now he seems to prefer me dead.

He stayed still and silent as I traced the lines along the cheap vinyl tile that created the floor I stood on. After an ample amount of time passed in silence, I tried moving past him but he followed my movement as he stood in front of me. I tried going around him again but he grabbed onto my upper arms and held me in place. I was stuck. My eyes widened in shock but I kept my face firmly to the ground. I'm sure he was able to feel the shivers that played on my skin or at least the damp sweat that had started to form. He knew I was terrified, yet he didn't stop.

"Look who it is…" He said in a quiet voice with a menacing undertone that caused a new shiver to run down my spine. I slowly tipped my head up a little but not enough to meet his eyes.

"Please…just let me pass." I said in a shaky whisper that only he could hear. He chuckled but said nothing. His grip on my arms tightened roughly for a second before he completely let go and walked away without another word. I didn't stay a second longer to see if he had changed his mind before I dashed towards the library in a careful manner.

Less than two minutes later I found myself walking through the warped wooden doors of the library. I went to my usual spot behind the fiction shelves and sat down, putting my backpack in front of me on the table. I pulled out the book I had previously been reading and started from where I left off but found it hard to focus on the words. My eyes could see them but my mind was in other places.

My mind scanned through my memory without my consent. Visions of my life before moved behind my eyes in a cyclone of emotions as my eyes began to water. Stupid emotions. They always got the best of me in any situation. I tried to blink them away but I soon found myself looking into darkness.

My bronze haired beauty was the star in the show my mind directed. I remembered this day as if it were only yesterday. We were still little kids; young and naïve. The playground that we were both married too played the backdrop in this particular sight. Our bottoms sat against the sand as we built soggy castles with the remains of what was in the square box. The sun made an appearance every now and then but nothing that was consistent. We were having a contest to see who could make the largest castle and, of course, Edward was winning. His stood nicely as mine fell to the ground in defeat.

The scene was silent but it needed no words. The action of the two spoke enough. But then things changed. The sky grew darker, the wind sped up slightly, and a shadow emerged from behind us. The happiness of the day vanished as soon as it appeared. I knew who it was. It was the day she arrived in my life; the day she marked herself in the center of my soul where his face should lay; the place she stole from me. I opened my eyes as a single tear fell from each.

I knew this was only the beginning.

-:-

"'M' plus what equals fifteen?" Mrs. Elk drowned on. Today was September tenth and things hadn't changed much. People still gave me glares when they thought my eyes were turned, they still yelled things in the hallways when my back was turned…you know, the usual.

Before I knew it the bell rang and I was off to my next class. Mrs. Garry was one of the oldest teachers at the school. I wasn't sure how long she had been here, but you could tell the years by counting each wrinkle that sat on her face.

She was a kind woman but stern. She always made sure you had your work finished before you could do anything else, but after that she didn't care. And she was nice to me. That gave her extra points in my book.

I walked into the empty classroom and sat in my usual seat towards the back. Mrs. Garry was at the board writing the assignment for the day. _'Open Reading'._ I smiled inwardly when my eyes studied the green board. Then she turned to face me, a crinkly smile plastered on her face.

"Hello Bella. How are you today?" She asked in her aged voice. I answered with the usual 'fine' before opening my book and reading. Mrs. Garry stayed at her desk until the room had filled and the bell rang where she gave instructions. Then everything went silent.

I read through each page as the world passed around me. Some of the other student did read but others just slept or passed notes. All too soon the bell rang again, signaling our lunch.

I packed my things and left the classroom after everyone else. I walked through the hallways, bumping shoulders with the people who pretended not to see me, until my foot collided with the dark grey tile of the cafeteria. I walked across the large room to the back corner table and sat with my back facing the wall. Since the first day of school I had sat this way just in case anyone decided to come and visit me. Better safe than sorry.

I placed my backpack on the table and unzipped it. I removed my small lunch bag and my book from my bag before moving it beside me. I read and ate in as much silence as the room could create in the small amount of time. No one bothered me, thankfully, and I tried my hardest to not look up. Not knowing what my eyes would meet was reason enough to not take the chance. But sometimes you can unintentionally take chances.

I finished off the remainder of my tiny lunch and I went to throw it away. I was halfway standing when my eyes met two glowing emeralds.

My body seemed to be reacting in a way that was all it's own. I sat back down but my eyes did not flinch or move. His 'friends' talked animatedly and she sat by his side as if she always had since the beginning of time. She flipped her hair and sat with her spine bent straight, leaning towards Edward every minute or so. His body was frozen as well as he looked into my soul without permission. He never moved his eyes towards her; only me. He really looked at me, then smiled. My smile.

Ding…Ding…Ding…

The bell sounded, breaking me from my moment. Edward still sat in his same spot as before, still looking straight at me. But no smile graced his face, no trace of happiness flowed from him when he looked at me. Emotionless was his new nature, with traces of sadness as well. He could have the friends and the beautiful girlfriend for all I cared and I think he knew that now. As long as he was happy, I was happy.

He looked away then and went on his way with his hand laced with Lucifer. I threw away my finished things, tripping once in the short distance it took to reach the trash can, before packing my things as well and continued on to my next class. Biology.

But before I walked toward the room I took a quick pit stop in the restroom. I walked into the vacant mustard colored space and walked into one of the stalls. The second my door locked I heard another. The voices I wished to forget floated through the air. My lungs froze in an instant.

"Jen, you and Edward are so cute together." Jessica said with envy laced in her tone. I knew she was the last to enter because the door shut soon after she entered. I sat on the toilet with my legs pulled up against my chest. Then I listened.

"So perfect." Lauren said soon after Jessica.

Then Jessica spoke again. "Yeah", was all she could come up with. I internally laughed at the brains of the two.

"Thanks." My 'friend' said with a smile etched in her voice. She stood outside my door, facing toward the mirror. Though I could not see her I knew she was fixing her hair and make up like she did everyday after lunch to make sure she was always picture perfect.

"So…you never told us what he had planned this weekend. Care to share?" Lauren said in her 'need to know gossip' voice. I squeezed my legs tighter towards my chest so as to not make a sound as I listened to what I didn't want to hear.

"Well…okay, But on one condition. Keep it between us, okay?" I'm guessing they nodded because she continued. "I don't know everything, but he said he was going to take me to some Italian place outside of Forks. Then after that he said he was going to take me somewhere else but he wouldn't say where; he's being very secretive about it all. The only clue he gave me though was that there would be grass. That's all I could get."

The girls screeched while I died a little more inside. If I had guessed right, she meant THE Italian place Edward had used to take me to every year on my birthday…except this year. I didn't even want to think about the grass place she meant because I already knew. The meadow. Our meadow. Jealousy scorched through me.

"That's so cute!" Lauren said in her girlish screech.

"I know, right…" Jen and her minions continued to talk about random things while they remained clueless to my attendance. I tuned them out for as long as I could until something caught my attention.

"Did you see Bella today? Ew! Who would wear that?"

"Or at lunch when she almost fell into the trash can. So close yet so far…" Lauren said with a wishful tone.

"It's not like she wouldn't deserve it." Jenny said with a light tone. The 'smack' sound from her lips echoed around the tiled room before she continued talking. "We should go…the last thing I need is a tardy." Then they were gone, and I was alone again.

Words can be more powerful than actions sometimes. The simple words hurt me all the same. The power that they held even though the action was so small; I would never be able to wrap my mind around it.

Seconds after I heard the door close I stood off the toilet and unlatched the door. Across from me was the mirror she had just used. Her reflection was gone but now held mine. The pitiful appearance it held was obvious to the blind eye. Anyone could see the simplicity in it if they ever cared to look.

Nothing had changed. I was still the same ugly plain girl Forks had grown to hate. My hair was still brown and long. My eyes still the same lifeless brown they had always been. My skin still pale as paper…everything still stayed the same as always. And it would be the way things would always be from now on..

-:-

The clock nailed to the walk ticked slowly by. Biology had just started and was already lagging. I sat at a desk by myself in the back, away from the rest of the world. I looked out into the cloudy window, thinking about nothing unparticular when Mr. Banner said something that sparked my attention.

"New seats." The classes moaned in unison to the new announcement. I could have cared less; I would end up by myself one way or another.

Mr. Banner instructed us to stand with our things and come to the front of the room where he would call out the new seats for everybody. I did as I was told and stood in the corner around everybody else. No one looked at me though. I was still invisible in so many ways.

"Alright…" Mr. Banner said, pulling out a sheet of paper. Then he began. "Jessica and Tyler…Lauren and Eric…Angela and Ben…Jenny and Mike…Edward and Bella…" And time stood still. My eyes grew wide as Mr. Banner continued as if nothing had happened. I was holding one of my books up to my chest as I raised my eyes higher from the ground.

I could see Jenny glaring at me but no sound came from her lips. She moved to her new seat with Mike by her side as the others went to their own as well. Edward moved to his…_our_ seat too but didn't look at me. I looked back at the ground and began my short walk towards my seat as well. But in normal fashion, I tripped.

As I passed by Edward, I lost my footing and fell towards the floor. I saw it coming towards me quickly with nothing in the way to stop it. As my normal reaction, I reached out with my palms to try and soften the blow in any way I could. My hands hit the ground first then my chest soon after. My lips released a small cry of pain but nothing above that level. I took a deep breath to calm myself over the laughter that rung through the room before pushing myself up and off the ground into a standing position.

My eyes first landed on Edward and I saw he was staring intently at the black top table. I could have sworn I had seen him move not a moment before, though…it was probably just my mind playing tricks on me.

I kept my face down and took my seat as my face continued to burn. My hair covered most of the sides of my face so I was able to block most prying eyes from it. Luckily the table I had been put at was one located in the back so I knew I was safe.

My eyes were swollen with water but I tried my hardest not to let it fall. My fists were clenched so as to hold the emotion in and to my surprise I found that I could. I didn't look to see what Edward was doing because I was afraid of not liking what I would find.

"Today we will be watching a movie over photosynthesis." I could hear the collective smiles that rose on each students face as Mr. Banner said those words. The room went dark as I heard the lights flicker off and the blinds shutter closed before the square box lit with different colored lights.

I could feel Edward's body heat in the distance that separated us. He made no acknowledgment that I was there but I could see him through my hair. **(AN: It rhymes!) **He was sitting at the far and of the table looking at the moving pictures on the screen. I tried to move my gaze but found it to be no use. My eyes watered softly again as I took in the beauty only he could create. Even in the darkness, with minimal light, he still was breathtakingly gorgeous. The green of his eyes stuck out the most against the blackness of the room. Against his pale complexion the mixture of everything that was Edward Cullen made it impossible to look away.

Then his gaze flickered to the brunette who sat in front of him and his lips curled up in a beautiful way. As if she knew he was looking at her she turned and blew him a kiss, making his smile grow to epic proportions. Envy and pain flowed through me then at an alarming rate. Thankfully, neither of them noticed my gaze so I knew my pain and jealousy would remain well hidden. Then Edward's beautiful smile fell from his face as his gaze changed.

All too soon he felt my gaze and turned toward me but my eyes did not flicker from his. I couldn't move, just like in the cafeteria today. My eyes held his close as I was reminded of our life together. I remembered everything that had been thrown away because of one stupid mistake. I remembered the look on his face after the agonizing argument. And I remember the cold glare in his eyes as he chose her over me.

A tear fell from one of my eyes and I finally looked away. I wiped it of my white face and looked down at the table. I didn't want to tempt myself to look his way. I was scared, again, of what I might find.

Ten or so minutes passed before I heard metal hit the blacktop that came from my right side. My head flickered toward it without thinking where I was met with something shiny that made my eyes bulge out and my breathing quicken.

My present to him…

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	6. Silver Past

**Words: 2,086**

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_Chapter 5:_

_Silver Past_

Bella's POV

The glare from the television hit it in a colorful way that showed the shine of it; the beauty of it.

My eyes stayed connected with the silver round object that hung from his neck for a second before sliding back to the table. My eyes were still large and my breath was quickly changed. He was wearing it. He was wearing the locket I had bought for him…for us. I thought he would just throw the stupid green bag away and not open it but…why? Why would he wear it?

Is it some sick joke? Is he playing with my emotions for his pure sick enjoyment? I knew he could care less about me, but I never thought it would reach this low. Especially him.

The temperature of the room felt like it had shifted but I knew it was just me. It felt warm. The atmosphere shifted unpleasantly as my mind reeled from this act of…cruelty.

As the movie passed on I fumed in silence. To think he would go this low to hurt me was so…unlike him. But then again, he had already changed so much as it is. He was capable of anything now. I felt eyes on me but I never looked up to see who it was or where they came from. Anger paced through my blood in a rhythm all its own. Of all the things he could have done to hurt me, this hurt the most.

Had he read the inscription yet? Had he even seen it? Did he know what it said? If he knew then why would he wear it and make me think he actually felt the same way? Under the table my fist clenched in anger and despair as thoughts spun through my mind. The stupid angry tears filled my eyes but were blocked from other eyes by my hair. I didn't want him to think he had won by creating this reaction out of me. This was probably what he wanted after all. He just wanted me to feel pain.

Soon the movie finished and the lights came on to reveal what the dark had hidden. My fists were clenched to the point of bruising or drawing blood but I did not let them go. I was so mad…so angry at him for what he was doing to me. But then I finally created enough nerve to look over at him as he zipped up his grey jacket and said something that needed to be said.

"Why?" I said with angry venom slipping through my teeth. His face turned towards me with surprise written on his features. Our eyes stayed connected for a second as silent words passed through our eyes. Before he could respond, though, the bell sounded through the room. I stood and walked away without a single glance back.

For once I was proud of myself for hurting him. It made me feel better to know he was hurting; not just me.

_**-:-:-:-:-:-**_

I didn't see Edward again after that. After Biology I went to my Art class and asked her, Ms. Davis, if I could stay in the library for that period. She let me only because I knew she hated me and would do almost anything to stay away from me. She was a vegetarian and animal rights type person. And her favorite animal is a frog.

I walked though the halls as the last of the students entered their classrooms. Soon the halls were bare and I was alone.

I made my way toward my favorite warped doors and pushed them open. The scent filled my lungs and I felt a small smile fill my lips. I walked to my usual seat in the back and sat in the chair. Then I pulled my book out and read with my backpack on the ground and silence ringing in my ears.

All too soon I finished the last page and closed the book on the story. I always felt a pinch of sadness when I finished a book because sometimes, most of the time, I wanted them to continue on. I wanted to see how the characters lives would lead, how they would grow, how they would love and hurt. But everything has to end at some point.

I put the book back in my bag and stood. I walked to the shelves that held my friends and ran my fingers over them. I had read most of them, but I still looked out of hope of something new. But every book here had been in the same spot since the school opened. The yellow pages matched the smell that matched the school. Old with old.

Then my fingers hit something smooth, new. I turned and looked at it and saw it was a year book. Out of pure curiosity I took it and walked back to my seat. I remembered this year. It was when I said goodbye to my friends.

I opened the pages and flipped through the senior section until they landed on the name 'Cullen'.

_Alice Cullen_

She was at one time my best friend. We never got into any big fights or anything that caused us to not be friends or anything, we just lost touch. Her being in college with everyone else and me here in this small town…it was bound to happen at sometime. She had her hair in cute spikes and was wearing a pink shirt from what I could tell with a sweetheart neck line. She was the only reason I knew what it was. She implanted everything that had to do with fashion into my brain in case anything ever happened to her. But nothing ever would. She would stop it before it happened.

_Emmett Cullen_

He was like the lovable ogre. Big and scary to look at, but could never hurt a fly. Unless that said fly did something to someone he cared about, then it would be dead. But other than that he's a good guy, almost like a brother. He wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box though. Let's just say he should learn to think before speaking, or acting. He was with Rosalie so it wasn't like he could really hurt himself that bad.

With the thought of Rose I flipped to the _H_ section. Then I was met with the face of two blonds.

_Rosalie Hale_

To pretty for words; and she knew it. We weren't as close as Alice and I were, but close enough. Like that person you trust and share everything with, but also secretly holds something against you. She was like my sister; my older sister who was prettier than me and made fun of me. But we loved each other none the less.

_Jasper Hale_

The quiet emotional type; a hidden emo. Even if he was a major emo kid, Alice would never allow all the black. He was a nice guy- quiet, but nice. He was like Emmett, only smaller, smarter, quieter, and blonder. He was the one I would go to if I ever had a problem. Alice was my best friend and all, but Jasper was always better with Emotional stuff. Alice was a little to high-strung for that subject.

My eyes watered slightly as I remembered all the good times we had. I had gone through everything with them. Like the times Alice forced me onto shopping trips when I had refused to go, even when I was sick. Of when Rose tried to work on my truck but I wouldn't let her and she threw a wrench at me; I still have the scar from it. Or when Emmett 'accidentally' burned all of Jasper's history books on a fire because he claimed he needed the warmth. I've never seen Jasper cry so much. Each memory was special to me in different ways. I was glad I still had them.

I considered all of them my other halves. I missed them more than anything and would give anything to see them again, to go back to this year. The last year we were all together was the best time of my life. When they left I felt like I was missing a large part of me that could never be replaced. Then when I didn't really hear from them much after that…it felt like rejection. Like they didn't want me anymore. But I understood they were in college now and I was just some girl they knew in high school.

The bell sounded and I closed the book. I took a breath then stood to put it back. As I gathered my things and started to leave the room I couldn't erase the images of my family from my mind. Memories can be good sometimes.

_**-:-:-:-:-:-**_

The rest of the day passed quickly without any incidence. Rain fell hard from the sky, like always, when I walked out to my truck. It fell so hard I could barely see through it. The flaking red stuck out against the green of Forks but it fit in some weird way. It was almost the only visible thing against the falling rain. Other people found their way to their cars easily though; we had been parking in the same spots for at least a year or so.

I walked out of the old school, opening the glass doors that were rusting on the hinge, with my hood up and my head down the whole time to shield my eyes away from the clouds of tears. The rain was cold but nothing out of the ordinary. The gray cement and the green of the grass passed my vision as my eyes focused on taking each step one at a time. I hadn't noticed the tall figure following me from behind

I reached my truck and pulled my keys out of my pocket to unlock the beautiful monster. I reached out and grabbed the rusty silver handle bar and pushed the key in with my other hand. Then right before I twisted the golden key I froze. I felt the hair on the back of my neck perk up and a shiver run down my back. My eyes slowly drifted up to the glass of my window where I saw a man with a black zipped up jacket and his hood up so I couldn't see his face. The shadow his face was covered in made my stomach do flip flops in a sickening way.

My breath fell from my mouth shakily as it fogged the window for a second before the rain washed it away. I took in a deep breath to scream for help but he stopped me. One of his rough cool hands clasped itself over my mouth while the other arm wrapped around my arms and stomach. He had me confined before I even had the chance to run. I tried to push him away, I even tried to bite his hand but nothing scared him away. I fought as hard as I could to try and get away but nothing helped. My fear covered all of my other senses so I couldn't hear the words that were pouring out of his mouth. Not that I really cared at the moment either way.

I tried to scream but it was muffled by his hand. I kicked and tried to remove my arms from him but he kept me immobile. No one heard or saw me from what I can assume because no one tried to help. With every movement I made his arms tighten around me. My breathing started to come out in gasps and my movement slowed. By then he had me against the driver's side of my truck to try and make me motionless but the pressure from him holding me there was pressing against my lungs. I felt my lungs start to burn from the lack of oxygen and my body still. I felt like I was drowning. The arm that was around me squeezed my body one more time and I cried out in pain with the last bit of air I had.

I remember my eyes rolling back and my body falling. The last thing I remembered was my body feeling weightless before hitting something hard and the sound of an angel's voice calling my name.

_Bella…_

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	7. Waking Up to Them

**Words: 3,187**

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_Thanks to my beta **flamingo1325** for editing this!_

_Chapter 6:_

_Waking Up th Them_

Bella's POV

My eyes flickered open slowly as they gazed into the gentle fire that swam within the darkness. The room was dark except for the fire that burned brightly before me. I tried to adjust my eyes to the scene before me but found it to be no use. My head throbbed in pain and there was a horrible ringing in my ears that would not fade away. My skin felt cool to the touch but my blood ran warm beneath it. My eyes took in the scene before me and they widened in shock. I knew this room.

The fire place was framed in white antique trim, with a picture hanging above it of seven people that I recognized and held close to my heart. My body shot forward to sit but soon fell back down onto the soft cream colored couch, the pain in my head intensifying as well as in other places. My lungs, however, felt as if they were on fire with each breath I took, like sandpaper or salt on an open wound. The sensation was new and not pleasant. I groaned in pain when I released the air, the sound coming out in raspy waves.

"Fricken' dumb ass!" A voice yelled. The sound was loud but muffled, decreasing the volume into an almost inaudible hum. I squinted my eyes again before slowly rising forward, using my arms for support. I blinked twice then opened my eyes fully, taking in the sight before me.

The library. The light from the fire shined against the darkness that hid the abundance of books on each stocked shelf, the light hitting the books in an almost romantic way. It was a beautiful sight I had seen before, but it had been a while. A loud crash caught my attention and I turned my face to the door. The door was cracked, just enough for light to shine in from the hallway and for me to hear the dispute taking place a floor below. I placed my feet against the dark wood of the floor but did not stand.

"It was an accident!" A deep strong voice whined in a child like tone. It sounded familiar but I couldn't put a face to it.

"An accident! Emmett you are not that stupid, very close, but you know better! You could have killed her!" A feminine voice screeched in anger, the sound making the hairs on the back of my neck stand but also made me smile slightly. I knew this voice too. I took in another slow shaky breath and released it in the same manner. It was the best I could do at the time.

"Rose, I didn't know she would freak out like that! I was just trying to surprise her. The only reason I held her so tight was because she wouldn't stop moving around- she bit me and kicked me in the shin! And you know how clumsy she is! She would have ended up in the hospital if I had let her go while she acted like that! Plus with the rain how it was and all! I was just trying to-"

"Shut. Up." Silence ran through the house up to my ears. "And you Edward. Are you really that…that…stupid?!" She yelled again.

"What did I do?!" This voice was beautiful. My face immediately blushed at the sound as a smile wisped across my face.

"You…you're just…stupid!! How could you just forget…ugh! I can't even get the words straight!" The girl's voice screeched in frustration.

"Well, maybe you should work on that Rosy." The velvet voice said like a lamb trying to aggravate the lion. He succeeded.

"Shut the hell up Edward!" Rose screeched. A small silence filled the air. "How could you treat her like that?! She was, _is_, your best friend! And if it wasn't for Angela telling us about your stupidity and your current obsession with Jenny we wouldn't have known any of this!" The same girl yelled again with desperation lacing her tone.

"It's none of your business Rose." The beautiful angel voice said in a deadly tone.

"Like hell it is! The whole school, including you, alienated her for what? A stupid prank gone wrong?!"

"It's wasn't just that!" He yelled to the top of his lungs, the avenging angel coming through. The walls shook with power.

"Then what was it! Please, share with me your reasoning for destroying your relationship with your best friend!"

"It's…Well…It's none of your business!" The angel said, stuttering in the beginning then coming out strong.

"Yes it is!" She fought.

"No it isn't!" He said back.

"You know what? I bet it has something to do with your new girl-toy, doesn't it? What, did she spread a few lies around? Say a few things to make people think Bella was something she's not? Have you even looked at her recently Edward? She's lost weight she didn't have in the first place, her eyes are sunken in, her skin is whiter than ever before and I've never seen someone look so sad even when they are unconscious!" She finished.

A small 'sorry' was heard from the strong voice I remembered as Emmett.

"I know Rose." The beautiful voice, Edward, said when she finished. His voice was laced with pain.

"Then why won't you change it?"

"I-"

"She's awake!" A small, pixie like voice screeched in happiness. Soon there was the sound of running up the stairs until the sound stopped outside my door. My eyes became saucers as I froze in my spot. I was still glued to the couch and unable to move. There was nowhere I could run.

Time seemed to stop when they arrived. I mentally counted down the slow seconds before the door opened, each one passing slower than the other. Then the door opened, and they were all there.

Alice stood in front of the rest, her small body vibrating with excitement that her smile illustrated. Behind her was Rose, as beautiful as ever, with wide scared eyes that soon turned to happiness. Then there was Emmett that stood beside Rose with worry and fear in his wide eyes. Jasper was behind the rest, a small smile on his lips that meant more than what it showed. Then there was Edward, who showed every emotion in the world on his face except the one I wanted to see.

"Bella!" Alice screeched before pounding her body against my own. The force of the blast caused me to tumble off the couch and hit the floor with a thump, the sore part of my back hitting the ground first. I winced and sucked in a deep breath through my teeth before letting out a small cry when the air left my lungs.

"Alice, off!" Rosalie said before pulling the small pixie off of me. I knew her warm body left mine when a flow of cool air danced on the top of my skin. I closed my eyes and slowly pushed myself off of their wooden floors with my elbows, again.

"Bella? Are you alright?" Rose said while she sat on her knees next to me.

"Yeah, I think." I told her while moving to a sitting position. I looked up and saw that everybody had moved from their previous spots. Emmett was kneeling on one knee next to Rose, Alice was standing by my feet in Jasper's arms and Edward stood by the fire place looking straight at me. The glow from the fire enhanced his features in a beautiful way.

"Bella I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you or anything. We were just coming down to surprise you and the family when I saw you and-"

"Bella, are you okay?! I haven't seen you in like forever and I was just happy to see you awake. I didn't mean to knock you over and-"

The two siblings, Emmett and Alice, apologized until I cut them off.

"It's okay. No harm done." The moment I said that the burning sensation in my lungs flared up again, causing me to wince. Speaking even hurt.

"Be careful. You probably have a lightly bruised lung or something like that." Edward said while leaning against the wall adjacent to the fire.

I looked up at him as everyone else did. But the moment our eyes met I saw that he held no ill will towards me in that one moment. Our eyes stayed connected and I saw the old Edward I had always known and always loved- my Edward. Then his lips grew into a small crooked smile that made my insides turn in a good way. I was about to smile back when I felt someone shaking my right arm.

"Bella? Are you sure you are alright? We could call Carlisle if you wanted." Rose said from her position next to me. True, Alice and I were best friends, but Rose and I were also very close but in a different way. She was always looking out for me, when Edward wasn't around, and making sure I was always okay. She was like my second guardian angel that wore black leather high heel boots and a leather jacket. It was scary yet comforting at the same time.

"All she needs is some rest and she should be alright. Bruises heal over time." Edward said, his smile falling with the words he spoke. I couldn't help but wonder if there was a second meaning to them or not.

"Bella, you can stay with us tonight if you want. It's Friday so Charlie shouldn't mind, I'll call him later. And we can have a movie night or something because of the rain! Oh, and the other day I was shopping at the mall with some girls that go to my school and I found the cutest night gown that would look perfect on you! You have to try it on! And I also got you…" Alice continued to drone on, as if no time had passed between us.

She pulled me off the ground and started pulling me away towards her room and away from everyone else. I turned just before the room left my sight and I saw his eyes looking at me. A silent conversation passed through them before my eyes met the white plaster of their hallway walls. We would talk later.

**(I seriously almost left it here. But I haven't really given you guys a long chapter so, yeah, you get one now. Better late than never!)**

-:-

Alice's lime green walls and white ceiling invaded my vision while I looked around her room. My back was against her heaven like bed, my thoughts swimming in the sea that was my drowning world. I could hear Alice in her bathroom, unloading whatever it was she had brought with her; Rose was going through Alice's closet, only half listening to what Alice was saying.

Me? I looked like I was listening—I think— and it seemed they hadn't noticed yet. Alice hadn't muted since we left the library so her voice was just background music. Everything felt like old times…sort of. They spoke and acted as if things hadn't changed, but they had. It had been months since we've spoken and a lot has changed, tons.

"…Bella?" Alice said, catching my attention with her worried tone.

"Yes?" I answered back, turning to my side and facing her direction. She was looking at me with worried eyes and glancing between Rose and myself. What had I missed?

"Can we ask you something?" Rose asked from the other side of the room.

I turned my head to face her and saw she held the same emotions as Alice. I rose my body slowly into a sitting position, everything still sore from the earlier…_events._ Rose and Alice came to sit next to me as I leaned against the plush pillows on Alice's perfectly made bed. Rose sat by my feet and Alice sat by my side. Everything was silent and calm for that moment.

"I guess." I answered, a little apprehensively. The two glanced between each other before Alice spoke.

"What…happened?" She asked, afraid of my reaction to her heart wrenching words. I turned my face to my lap to hide the pain etched in my eyes, my hair creating a curtain to hide myself as my arms curled around my midsection. I didn't want to talk about this.

"Nothing." I answered quietly, trying to brush it off as nothing.

"Don't feed us that bull-shit Bella. And don't insult our intelligence." Rose said from her spot next to my bare feet. My eyes shot to her glaring ones. She knew I was lying; she always knew when I was lying.

"Rose." Alice said in a low tone with her eyes on Rosalie.

"What?" Rosalie answered through her clenched teeth. I decided to speak then, to stop their quarrel.

"Rose I…I don't want to talk about it." I told her. I looked away, not wanting to show her anymore emotion than I had to.

"Why not?" Alice asked in a softer voice and attempted to tuck some of my hair behind my ear. But I turned my head, refusing to let her. I might not show my irritation on my sleeves, but I was still upset they hadn't spoken to me in months.

"Just leave it alone Alice." I told her in a voice that was a little too cold on accident. I didn't see her face but I felt her small hand pull away. I felt bad for hurting her but I couldn't help it.

"Why are you acting like this?" Rose asked as she slid off the bed into a standing position. I looked up at her with anger flowing through my eyes for a second before my eyes returned back to my lap.

"Why don't you answer that Rose?" I asked her. It was quiet for a moment before she decided to speak again.

"What are you talking about?" She asked me, clearly confused. I tilted my head up just a little more but not enough to see her. I didn't want to look at her face right now. Knowing me, I would most likely break down.

"I don't know Rose. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't spoken to any of you in how many months? Or maybe it's because I haven't had someone to talk to since you've left? Maybe it's because I knew you guys forgot about me. Maybe it's because most of Forks hates me or maybe it's because everyone judges me before they even have the chance to know me." I told her with an edge to my voice in the beginning but becoming softer toward the end as the traitorous tears invaded my voice.

"You don't know what its like to go to school everyday and have people look at you like you are some kind of an abomination. You don't know what it's like to have people say things and make up rumors behind your back that are miles away from the truth. You don't know what its like to have no one want you, but have everyone hate you at the same time."

The words fell out of my mouth without my consent. Emotion filled each and every word as I spoke them, my voice never betraying the truth. It had been a very long time since someone, aside from Charlie, had cared to listen to what I had to say. It had been a while since anyone had even showed they cared about me in anyway and that they didn't judge me based on what others were saying. It felt nice to let some of it go, to stop hiding some of it.

Two pairs of arms encircled themselves around me as I sobbed endlessly. One of the pairs left, for only a minute, to grab tissues for me. She soon took her place back as she squeezed me to death in a loving grip.

"Bella?" Alice whispered into my ear as my sobbing quieted.

I had my eyes closed, slightly ashamed for my crying fiasco. My head was lying on Rose's shoulder—she still wore the same perfume—as Alice wrapped her arms around me, her words invading my ears.

"I'm so, so sorry. We didn't forget you. We just got so busy with school and everything…that's why we were coming down to surprise you." Alice said with tears evident in her voice.

"We didn't know Bella. We just found out what had been going on a few days ago. But we didn't realize it was this bad." Rose said with sadness in her voice. She never really was one to cry.

"Edward didn't tell you about Jenny and everything else?" I asked, not ready to say 'it's okay'.

"He told us they were dating but he never said anything happened between the two of you. I still think it's stupid for him to act this way towards you over that stupid prank." Rose said.

I hesitated to say something but chose not to, but they both could see my hesitation.

"Bella, what else happened?" Alice asked. I stayed silent.

"Bella, either you tell us or I'll go ask Edward." Rose said and I knew she meant every word. I sighed and decided to answer the best I could.

"It…was stupid. It was a few months ago and Edward told me he really liked Jenny and was going to ask her out. I told him it wasn't a good idea and he blew up. Jenny is a nice and sweet person, but as you well know, she will do whatever it takes to get what she wants. Soon it got to the point I couldn't even be around her anymore. She spread a few rumors around the school about me and people started to believe them, including Edward. It got to the point where either I would get mad because I never saw him anymore because he was always with Jenny, or Jenny would get mad for him spending too much time with me. I told Edward he had to pick either her or me. I just wasn't good enough." I told them with tears evident in my voice.

Rose stiffened and everything was quiet for a moment. She then stood and walked straight to the door and opened it with a bang. If Edward hadn't been standing in the doorway with a nervous expression on his face, she could have destroyed something important.

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	8. The Reactions of Dreams

**Words: 2,979**

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_Chapter 7:_

_The Reactions of Dreams_

Bella's POV

The silence that was created when Rosalie pulled the door open was eerie. Edward had reason to feel the way he did. His green eyes were fearful and his posture was rigid. I could almost see the fear filled vibrations that were dancing upon his skin. If the atmosphere hadn't been so on edge, I would have laughed.

The emotions that played through his eyes were a mixture of many; one main emotion being nervousness and the other being fear, but some anger and sorrow was thrown into the blend as well.

I would be fearful too if I was in his position.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Rosalie yelled at him, breaking the small tense silence that had enveloped around us.

"I…uhh…well-" He stuttered, looking utterly adorable in his current emotional state.

"Edward Cullen, were you eavesdropping?" Rosalie asked while taking an intimidating step forward while Edward took a petrified step back, his expression still the same as before.

Alice and I stayed seated in silence as we watched the scene unfold. It was actually quite entertaining to watch Rosalie argue—well, she argued while he stuttered—with someone. She always won.

"Um…well…what happens if I say ye-"

"EDWARD!" Rosalie yelled before chasing her younger brother down the elegant hallway and through the rest of the house.

"ROSALIE! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I yelled but it was useless. Not a second after the duo ran Alice was on her feet, following them to stand as the audience if I had to guess. The sounds of their argument echoed less and less as they ran through the house and the distance between us grew greater. I was alone again in the lime toned room. The only sound that could be heard now was the light thump of my heart. And it alone was ear shattering.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do right now, but I knew it would be useless to try and go after him. He could always out run everybody.

I sighed in annoyance and laid down, wincing slightly. The pain was no where near what it had been. But it was still there.

Telling Rosalie and Alice my story could have been a bad thing. And from what it sounded like, they had been in communications with Angela, so why not me? Maybe there was more to it than I thought, but their explanation wasn't going to be enough to satisfy me. It wasn't a good enough reason to forget me.

Then my ears heard the beat of shoes on wood. The sound continued to increase until it was outside the door, and he stepped through. His eyes were crazed with fear and his hair was more unruly than any average day. His skin was lightly filmed with a small amount of sweat and he sounded a little winded, but it would soon pass. It always did.

He slammed the door closed and locked it. He grabbed the chair at Alice's desk and put it against the door under the knob. He then took a step back and let out a deep breath, his shoulders falling as a sense of calm invaded his veins. He hadn't seen me yet. Knowing him he probably thought he had ran into one of the guest rooms or something, so he didn't think about looking around the room for other people. Other people being me.

The sounds of pounds and yells echoed through the door, causing him to jump and his shoulders to become tense again. He started to back up without watching his step and his knees soon hit the back of the bed and he fell backwards. His torso plopped onto my legs and his head into my lap. I looked down at him with a smile as shock and fear crossed his features. I bet he wasn't expecting that one.

"EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN! OPEN THIS DOOR AND LEAVE BELLA ALONE YOU ASSHOLE!" Rosalie said as the door became her punching bag.

Both me and Edward faced towards the wooden door and listened to Rosalie's screeches. Neither of us moved nor spoke as she continued.

"BELLA! TELL HIM TO OPEN THE DOOR!" Rosalie yelled as she continued to pound.

I continued to stare down at Edward's terrified form, frozen in my place and unable to respond. Right now I had a choice to make. One, give him to Rosalie and let her have her fun; or two, give him some freedom from the monster called Rosalie and maybe talk a little. Would I really be so stupid as to turn him over to Rosalie again, when I might actually have a chance to talk to him?

Muted whispers spoke to her but she ignored them until one got through. Emmett. 'Rosy, if there was a problem Bella would ask for us. Just leave them alone for now. Maybe they can work everything out…' Emmett spoke softly to Rosalie.

I heard her huff then stomp off with Emmett hot on her heels. Rosalie's stilettos clicked against the ground at a faster pace than the boots Emmett wore. It still boggles my mind that she can run in stilettos. It's a miracle she hasn't broken anything yet. Some are just gifted that way. Each step they both took sounded against the delicate wood until all was silent, and Edward and I were finally alone. I looked into his eyes at the same moment he turned his face up and they connected with mine, and in that split second I felt the magic I had missed.

Neither of us spoke or moved a limb. His head was still resting in my lap as his torso used my legs as a cushion. His piercing emerald eyes gaped into mine with a dazed expression; the same expression I'm sure my face displayed. A piece of his bronzed hair fell in front of his right eye, blocking my view from the beautiful sight. I lifted my hand and lightly pushed the thick piece of cloud to the side, never removing my eyes from his.

I traced the lines in his face, never breaking our gaze. I knew each crevice, each line, so well that I could have painted them on a canvas with my eyes closed and created a masterpiece.

I wondered if he knew that much about me, or if those memories had faded. For a fleeting moment, as I stared into his eyes and tried to decipher what I saw in them, I wondered if he was comparing me to Jenny. I wondered if he could only recall the features of her face, having long since forgotten my own.

"Hi." He whispered as his eyes looked back into mine. I continued to push his hair to the side softly; the feel of each strand under my fingers reminding me of what heaven must feel like. I smiled tenderly at him and he soon mirrored my actions. The atmosphere was filled with euphoria for this one moment in time.

"Hey." I whispered back. He was still so beautiful, especially up close. It was a sight that should only be reserved for the gods and goddesses but for some reason he was allowing me to see. Lucky me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked in the same whisper as before as his hand reached up and sat upon mine. The weight of it soothed my invisible nerves. The warmth that radiated off of his hand was something special, something unique, that only I could understand. It made me feel beautiful in the ugliest situations. His voice was comforting and it left me with a sense of peace that only he could bring. A sense of peace I hadn't been able to find in months.

"Okay." I answered back with the same voice as before. Hours could have passed and we wouldn't have noticed.

"Good." He said. Silence followed and neither of us spoke again. Then things changed.

"I'm sorry." Edward said, his words clenching towards the end. I saw his eyes water slightly, but it was gone as soon as it came. My hand stayed where it was; the heel of my hand cradling his temple as my fingers touched the underside of his jaw. I rubbed my thumb against his cheek and it seemed to comfort him. I could only hope it did.

"For what?" I asked with the same whisper.

"Everything." He said, his eyes fluttering closed. A small, almost invisible tear fell from his eye and I caught it with the tip of my thumb and rubbed it away. I rubbed the moisture into his warm skin gently; the softness of his skin surprising me like always- no one should be allowed to be this perfect.

"It's okay." I told him as I continued to rub my thumb across his cheek. Then, at invisible speed, the hand that was laid on top of mine took hold of my hand. His grip was tight and his face was contoured up in anger. His hand continued to tighten over mine as his teeth continued to grind. The force he implied upon my hand was getting more and more painful. The color of it changed from normal to red to purple. I couldn't help the cry of pain that left my mouth.

The sound seemed to snap him from his fixation and his hand left mine. He swiftly sat up from his position and looked me in the eyes with a horrified expression. He scooted away from me until his back hit the bed post. I cradled my bruised hand to my chest as feeling slowly flowed back into it. It felt like little angry ants were crawling around in it. A tear fell from one of my eyes as a frown formed upon my face. Why would he do that? All I did was forgive him.

"Bella…I'm so…so sorry…I didn't mean…my stupid…temper…I didn't…I'm so sorry…" He said as he sat on the bed in front of me.

Sadness was laced in his tone but I didn't look at him. I didn't want to see the expression his face held nor did I want him to see mine. His back was still against the wooden bed post but he leaned forward just a little bit. I pulled my legs in and looked away from him and to my lap. The previous euphoria that had enveloped us was now gone, and I was left with a bruised hand.

"It's okay." I whispered. Saying it was okay didn't truly make it that way; it just pushed the subject further away so it could be dealt with later. And it pushed away an argument I didn't want to have.

"Stop saying that." He said through gritted teeth yet his voice was still gentle. My eyes still stayed focused on the lime green bed spread and my mouth stayed closed. "Bella, look at me." He said but I kept my eyes down.

I covered my other hand with my injured one and bit my lower lip. A nervous habit I hadn't yet been able to break.

"Bella, please…look at me." I did not move. "Bella…" Large warm hands wrapped around my face and forced me to look up. He lifted my head gently up to meet his face and I looked into his saddened eyes as my face stayed blank. At least I think it was blank.

He smiled at me and I couldn't help the almost invisible grin that appeared upon my own face. Our smiles were the same but our eyes stayed sad.

"Get mad." He said. I looked at him with confusion in my expression. What did he mean?

"What?" I asked in a breath. It made no sense.

"Get mad at me." He said, confusing me even more. Why would he want me to get mad at him?

"Why?" I asked. He must be losing it or something. Why would he want me to get mad at him? I could never truly hate him, and getting mad is the root that stems off of hate.

"Because I have been a horrible person, a horrible best friend to you and all you keep doing is forgiving me. It isn't fair. So please, just, yell at me, punch me, scream at me, throw things, do something to express how you feel! How you are suppose to feel! Don't say 'it's okay' or 'it's alright'. The only time you have ever come close to getting mad at me was when I came by a few weeks ago to give you your home work. Please Bella; say something to me about how you really feel. Please." He said with desperate eyes. So…he was upset because I wasn't upset?

"We've barely spoken since…" I said.

"I know. But just because you haven't spoken the exact words doesn't mean you haven't been showing the actions. For instance, whenever someone has done something to you, or said a mean thing, you just turn you back as if saying 'it's okay'. You act as if you don't care what they do to you. You can't keep letting people walk over you like this Bella. It isn't fair to you. You are stronger than that. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than me." He said.

His hands had moved to my shoulders and he held them firmly in his iron grip. He spoke the words so passionately that tears formed in my eyes. He shook my shoulders lightly to emphasize what he was trying to get me to understand. I knew what he wanted me to do, but it was hard to stand up to people. And the truth of the matter was I really didn't care what they did to me. If I showed emotion it would just give them what they wanted. A reaction.

"Why do you care?" I asked with slight anger rising in my throat.

He stayed silent as my mind went wild. The anger continued building in my veins and through my heart. Why would he ask that?! He should know the answer to this. He should know. He is my 'best friend' after all. Shouldn't he know everything about me? Shouldn't he know every emotion I feel, every thought I have, everything I do. So if he was my real 'best friend', why would he have to ask?

"Why do you care? After all this time that has passed, you haven't said one kind word to me. You just sit on the sidelines and watch as they treat me like dirt. No, I take that back. You don't just sit there- you laugh along with them. You don't care about me…you just want to get rid of some of the guilt you have. You want to be able to sleep at night and have happy. You want to make it so you can be even happier with…_her_. Is that right?" I asked shoving one of his hands off of me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself as I pulled my knees closer into my chest. I didn't want to get angry with him, no matter how much he wanted it. Anger never solves anything.

"Why do I care? Why wouldn't I care? Bella, you're my best friend. You always have been and you always will be. You just made the decision to go against what I wanted. All I wanted to do was be with Jenny and-"

"No, you just decided to choose Jenny over me. I did nothing wrong. You were the one that made the choice to-"

"I chose Jenny because I-"

"Because she was more important than us!" I screamed at him, taking in deep breaths in an attempt to calm down.

"That's right Bella. Hate me. After everything I've done, you should hate my guts. Despise me." He said, waiting for my next reaction.

"Shut up Edward! You aren't the center of the world!" I told him, wiping away my angry tears.

"I know I'm not, but remind me." He said, waiting for more of my abuse.

"Why did you have to push me away like that! Was I not enough? Did I not put out enough like she did? What is it that made you love her and pick her over me?"

"Because-"

"Or, no, maybe I wasn't skinny enough. Or maybe I have too much of a brain. Maybe my chest is too flat or is it because I don't have enough money to flaunt?! It that it? You needed, wanted, her more than me. She was more important than I ever was. Did you ever even like me? Did you ever even really care about what happened to me? Obviously not or you would have stepped in sooner. You would have told Jenny to stop starting false rumors about me, you would have defended me against everyone else, and you would have been by my side through it all. But instead you chose someone else. And you loved her more than you could ever dream about loving me." I told him, my voice levels dropping to whispers as each word got closer to the end. Inside I prayed that he wouldn't catch the double meaning in the phrase.

"What are you talking about?" He asked with a matching look on his face. I took in a steady deep breath and let my eye lids flutter closed.

"I'm talking about you and me, Edward. You said no to me when I had never done anything to you. You pushed me away like I was nothing. You picked someone else over me, who you have known longer than most. What you did was awful Edward. You just turned you back on me when I was supposed to be your best friend. What, did you really think Jenny wanted me hanging around you? She was the main cause of everything, am I right? Jenny is your one and only. Well, all I can say is that I hope you two are happy together." I told him with my good hand clenching lightly over my injured one.

Everything I said was true. There was no way he could deny any of it. But in the back of my mind, I wanted him to. In my dreams I wanted him to tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me. The only problem with it was that it was a dream.

He stared at me for a few moments as silence surrounded us. I could only guess he was trying to formulate the best way to answer me. I braced myself for the truth- the real reason he picked Jenny. The real reason I had been abandoned.

"I picked her because I knew my friendship with Jenny was something that would most likely not last forever. But with you, you're forever and ever. We are meant to be together…" My heart started to speed up until he finished his sentence. "as friends." My heart stopped cold. All my previous anger resurfaced and he could see it. I wouldn't have been surprised if everyone in the house could feel it.

"Bella…I need you, please…" He whispered in heart breaking despair. He reached out to touch my cheek but I flinched from it. I could only imagine the hurt that covered his face.

"Edward, please, just go away or I will leave." He shook his head side to side as his answer. "You and I both know it isn't possible to be friends any longer while in our current situation." I told him while I looked down at my lap. My hand still throbbed a little but the sensation was going away.

"What…no, no, no…I wanted to be…friends…again...with you. Like we use to be, remember? We were each others everything. Things can go back to the way they were…please. Can we at least try?" He begged. I blinked then looked back up at him with a blank expression. His face was one of heartbreak and it killed me to see it that way.

My mouth opened to give him and answer when a sudden knock sounded through the door. I scrunched my eyebrows together, continuing to look at Edward. He didn't move nor flinch from the sound. He only had eyes for me and it made me feel like the most beautiful thing that the earth had to offer. Then a voice sounded through the air from the other side of the door as the air around us suddenly froze.

"Edward?" Jenny's voice flowed through the air.

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_I'm sorry for those of you who didn't see the quote I sent you in this chapter. I re-wrote this chapter and tried to send the new quote, but fanfic has a limit on how many PM's you can send in on day(30). So I'm an incredably sorry for those of you who didn't get the new quote._

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**Hey people. My widom teeth are finally out. And it hurts. A lot. like a tone of tiny bruises are in my mouth. Thank God for painkillers.**

**So, yeah, I wrote most of this while I was high. Well, not really (Huggs not Druggs!) the pain killers just make me a little loopy.**

**_REVIEW_ and I'll send you a _QUOTE_! Unless you don't want a spolier, just say so. :)**

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**VOTE**!VOTE!**VOTE**!-on my new poll please! 

**ANd feel free to talk about Breaking Dawn with me, but if you haven't finished it be warned to not read any reviews. **

**Reviews might make my pain go away. I kind of wanted to reach 50 review for this chapter so can you guys see if you can make it? PLEASE :)**

**_It's The End Of The World_**- new one shot you should go read!

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**_Love to all,_**

**_Miss Wannabe_**


	9. Interruptions

**Words: 4,167**

**(Early AN: WOW! 63 reviews for the last chapter. I almost sh-- myself. Thank you sooooo much!)**

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_Thanks to my beta _**flamingo1325**_ for editing this!_

_Chapter 8:_

_Interruptions _

"Jenny? What are you doing here?" Alice's pixie voice lifted through the air behind the door. My good hand touched the skin of my face and wiped away the tears that still resided. I was confused and a little scared. If Jenny came in—well if she could get past the chair in front of the door—it would look terrible. Her boyfriend locked in a room with a girl would be a hard thing to explain. Especially with our current situation. But I hid the smile that wanted to form on my face as I thought of how her own face would look.

I felt the beat of my heart quicken and my current emotions take a backseat against my new ones. Shock, fear and joy now filled my veins. Shock because I wasn't expecting this to happen, fear because Jenny has always and will always scare me, and joy because I wouldn't have to answer Edward's question. The joy part was very small though; fear and shock took up a lot of room. And I was also a little curious. But only a little, less than I was joyous. I wanted to know why she was here. It was clear that Alice had not showed her in and I was sure Rosalie wouldn't have and Emmett and Jasper had to of known better.

"Alice? What are you doing here?" Jenny said in an excited voice. I'm guessing they hugged and talked more because the sound of their voices became more distant. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding when their voices became silent in the distance. I looked over at Edward and saw him doing the same and his eyes were closed; obviously he was relieved. I looked at him and considered what he had asked. He wanted to be friends again, but would it really be that easy? No. Was anything with Edward ever easy? No. But does he deserve the chance to try?

"Bella?" Edward voice broke me from my thoughts and I saw he was looking at me now. We sat across from each other, no more than a foot from the other. I could still feel the warmth radiating off of him and the smell of him was still the only thing I could breathe. His green eyes were looking at me, begging me to agree to what he had asked. My tears had stopped falling but they were still present in my eyes. It was hard to look at him knowing I might say something that will break his heart, but I did not shift my eyes from his enticing ones. He deserved that much**,** but a part of me also felt that he deserved to have his own heart broken.

What he did to me was potentially beyond repair, and I knew that I would unfortunately always carry the events of these last several months with me. I would always be saddened by the fact that my best friend chose some girl over me; that the boy I loved didn't love me. And most of all, that when everyone else turned their backs on me, he did too.

He didn't say anything for a minute so we just looked at each other. It's crazy how everything has changed so much now. Here is my best friend and I can't even talk to him about what is hurting me. Not only that but we have to go around his girlfriend just to talk to one another. It was ridiculous. This relationship had turned out for the worst and it wasn't fair. I could tell he wasn't happy about things between us but what could I really do to change it?

In my wildest dreams I often imagined myself screaming at Edward 'I loved you first' and having him understand everything I've gone through in the past few months. But then after he understands everything I never see his reaction. Something always interrupts my dreams.

"Why are you here?" I asked him softly, hoping he would understand I was referring to Jenny's presence. Why wasn't he with her right now? After all that's what he wanted, to be with her.

I still felt Edward's eyes on me but I forced myself to continue looking away. I wasn't ready to deal with whatever was in his eyes, whether it be anger at me, sadness at the situation, desire to be with her or his desire to rekindle our relationship. Whatever it was I didn't care.

"I'm with you," he responded in a slightly confused tone.

I couldn't help it as my shoulders slumped slightly and the breath left me. If only he knew the double meaning in his words. Suddenly a thought occurred to me and I felt the rage form underneath my skin.

"You're hiding from her." It wasn't a question; it was a truth based on months of watching him pick Jenny over me. And him being here while his sister talked to Jenny showed that he was hiding from her. If not he would have answered the door.

"No-" he started with his disagreeing voice, but I cut him off. I didn't want his explanation nor did I need it. It would probably be a lie anyway.

"You stayed quiet and hidden here in this safe little room. You didn't go to her, or let her in. You didn't want her to find out you were with me." Unfortunately my emotions kicked in and a small amount of angry tears grew in my eyes. But I hide them away before he could witness them.

I felt Edward move slightly, but I remained frozen.

"No, I didn't go after her just now because I wanted to stay with you, Bella. I- I've missed you." Edward said, and I was sure I picked up regret and sorrow in his tone but I wasn't ready to accept it. Besides, for all I knew the regret and sorrow was aimed at him not running to his precious Jenny and now he was stuck with me.

I still couldn't simply forgive him, and I knew this conversation was quickly heading that way. It was underhanded, but I had to stop it.

"No, you feel obligated to be here. You were caught in the decisions you made; the way you have treated me is known to your family and you want to make up for it. And most of all, you don't want Jenny to know that you are spending this little amount of time with the scum of the earth." By the end of it, by voice was a mixture of the anger he mentioned earlier and the pain I felt every time I considered how people thought of me. He was still an idiot and he would not be that easily forgiven.

"Bella, you know that is not true," Edward said, his voice rising as his short temper started to flare. He looked at me from under his eyelashes in a way that could have been seductive had we not been in our current situation. But I knew his anger could only grow from here, but I didn't listen to the warning signs that were going off in my head.

"You don't want to explain yourself to her, but why. Are you afraid of her or the guilt you'll feel for leaving me again?" I shot back instantly, seeing a transient flash of anger in his eyes in response to my unexpected outburst. It was a reaction that had become increasingly common when he got involved with Jenny; it happened often whenever she was brought up and he defended her. This is the first conversation we've had in months and this is how it turns out. It must be a sign.

Soon, his face smoothed as he calmed himself. He didn't pursue the fight after that, instead just nodding and letting us fall back into silence and my thoughts drifted again to everything I have been through lately and why I was even in this room with him.

"Please Bella. Give me this one chance to show you that we can go back to how things were, or at least get close to it. Please Bella, things can't go back to the way they've been recently. I need you…" Edward said as he looked at me with tear filled eyes that I'm sure matched my ownbut somehow looked more perfect and convincing and true when contrasted with his emerald eyes. He took my good hand into both of his and held it in a cocoon of warmth. Sparks of electricity flowed through my hand in a delightful way that I tried to ignore. He brought it to his lips and kissed my palm, doing anything he could to persuade me to say yes. I've never seen him beg like this before but I didn't let that effect my decision making. One simple, tender, affectionate kiss on my hand was not going to undo the past few months. One desperate act behind closed doors could not make everything else I suffered on a daily basis end. I closed my eyes so he couldn't distract me but let him keep my hand in his to comfort us both.

Did I really want 'this' Edward? The same Edward that laughed at me in the cafeteria? The same Edward who treated me like I was nothing before? The same man who showed me that there is evil in everyone? Could I handle him with who he is now? We had both changed so much, could we handle the new people we've become? But what about everything else. His family and…him. What about the meadow? What about all the memories we've created?

In the end I would be getting Edward back…this was Edward we were talking about, my 'best friend'. The person who is suppose to know my deepest darkest secrets, the person who is my shoulder to cry on as I am suppose to be his, the person who I'm suppose to love no matter what…should he really be given the chance to hurt me again. Was he worth it?

"I'm sorry…no." I said, feeling my heart break along with his.

It wasn't that I didn't want to give my Edward the chance; it was just that I couldn't get the image of him when he looked at Jenny out of my head. The look in his eyes whenever he saw her, and the look of loathing in hers when she saw me, was not going to suddenly disappear. The way I feel about him and yearn for him would not dissipate overnight. A simple apology, a simple request for forgiveness in the face of something huge was not something I could accept. As much as I wanted to, the bad out weighed the good.

Edward's shoulders fell and his tears became more prominent. I had to look away this time but could still see him in the corner of my eye; I didn't want to break down in front of him now. His mouth opened but I beat him to the punch. "You, uh…you should go to Jenny. She's probably still worried about you…" I left it off to let a sob break free from my mouth. I didn't mean to, but it wasn't like I could have stopped it. I could feel the warm tears fall from my eyes and down my face as my skin moved with my emotions. I turned my face from him fully and covered my face with my hands, pulling the one he held back. I knew this would hurt him and it was killing me to know I was the one that put it there.

I cried for a moment in silence before he said anything. I could feel my body shake as the realization of what I had said kicked in. The realization of what I was qualifying and basing my answers off side swept me. No, Edward was worth it. My Edward was worth everything. This Edward wasn't. I didn't want him to throw me away again. I didn't want to be thrown away and discarded as if I was nothing. I know I'm not the best thing in the world, but I need to live and I couldn't do that if Edward hurt me again.

Charlie and Renee…it would kill them. Knowing their one and only daughter had died, and I would. It brought more tears to my eyes just thinking of what they would have to endure should that happen. If I had to go through that again that would be it. I would be done. This world would become too much for me and I knew I wouldn't be able to take it. Living everyday like I had been, only this time it would be twice as bad. I knew I would. I knew that if I let 'this' Edward into my life he would hurt me, and I wasn't willing to take that bet.

"Why?" Edward asked in a small voice from beside me. I didn't move to look at him nor did I speak to answer him. I could hear the hurt in his voice and it killed me even more knowing that I was the one that put it there. I didn't know if I could speak right now and I didn't want to answer him. "Please answer me," Edward said, his voice slightly stressed now, but I continued to remain where I was.

A rough hand grabbed my right upper arm while the other grabbed my left. The force and speed scared me and I was frozen with shock at what was happening. I was turned forcefully to look at him and his eyes were flamed with anger. I had never seen him this angry, and for once I was scared he might physically hurt me. "Why can't you just give me this one damn chance, please! If you won't let me try then you could at least explain your answer." He spoke through his teeth angrily. His hand squeezed my arms until they were filled with pain and I cried out. He still didn't stop. He shook me while he spoke, sending shocks through my body and now we were nose to nose. I turned my face to look away from him but he would move with my movements. My cries were still strong as I gasped for breath, both from pain and need. He was lifting me off the bed a little and I was scared he might do something worse.

"Edward…you're hurting…me…" I gasped out as I tried to wriggle from his grasp but his grip only tightened. More pain went through my body, magnifying my fear. "Edward please…stop-"

"Answer. Me." His breathing was wrapped as he still spoke through his teeth as he shook me twice. The muscles in his neck were tight and the vein in his neck was throbbing, not to mention his face was steaming red. I bit my lip and tried to calm myself down and to try and ignore the pain in my arms. The pressure on them hurt so much and he wouldn't loosen his grip.

"Let go Edward…why are you hurting me…" I got out between gasps. His grip was suddenly gone and he had scooted away from me. I fell forward a little and let out a cry. The pain in my arms was numb for a moment before the intense pain started. It wasn't as bad as Emmett's little incident, but it still hurt. And I knew there would be a nasty bruise on each arm by tomorrow. At first I tried to think of what I could say to explain them, but then I realized no one would care anyhow.

"Bella, I…I'm sorry. I just-" Edward tried to explain in a hasty manor. I was holding my hands against my new wounds, right hand on my left arm and my left hand on my right arm, and my head down. My hair created a veil around me and I was thankful. I was still crying but they were a little quieter now. From somewhere deep down I found the strength to talk. It could have been from insanity or because I just didn't care what he could do anymore. Maybe it was just the anger that Edward wanted me to release that fueled me to find the energy to talk. But from somewhere unknown, I found the strength to talk to him.

"You're sorry…great. That makes everything better, doesn't it?" I said in a sarcastic voice. "Does sorry make these bruises go away? Does it make the fact that even when I begged you to stop you still didn't? Did you enjoy hurting me? Is it some sick pleasure to you? Does it make the fact that you practically just hit me go away? Or does it make you feel better that I want you to go away more then anything that this world has to offer?" I looked up and saw that his eyes were wide. He looked like the Edward I used to know, the little boy who knew he did something wrong. His large innocent eyes were filled with tears as he looked at me and I glared at him menacingly. I couldn't help it. I was just fed up with being manipulated by him. Or it could be the insanity talking or the anger.

A tear fell from one of his eyes but it didn't stop my emotional slaughter. "You want to know why I said no…because, you aren't my Edward anymore. You aren't the friend who could always make me smile anymore; you aren't the same friend I could feel _safe_ with anymore. You aren't the same Edward I love. The same one I would give my life for has been taken over by you. You've changed Edward…she's changed you in ways that aren't for the better and I hate who you've become." I told him then looked down from his face. Each word hit him but the emotions on his face did not change. Tears still swelled in his eyes and he remained the child I had always known. There was only so much one person could handle.

I felt the bed shift as he got off of it. I didn't look up to see what he was doing but I wanted to, so I kept my head bent as I softly cried for my lost friend, my lost love. This was just…too much. I never thought Edward would ever physically hurt me, but it looks like he proved me wrong.

Gentle hands gripped the sides of my head and I flinched from away from them, sinking my face further towards my lap. The hands that had caressed me left for a second before going back. The tips of his fingers graced my head softly and comforted me a little even though I knew they had previously been the cause of my new injury. They traveled to the nape of my neck, his fingers traveling through my hair as he passed through each strand in a caring way. His hands were soon holding my head as if it was the most precious thing in the world. For an instant, I almost forgot the previous incident and focused only on the hands that were touching me- the hands of the angel I had fallen in love with so long ago.

Then I felt his lips against my skull as he left a kiss that was almost too soft to even feel. He lifted my head gently just enough to repeat the act against my forehead. My eyes stayed closed as water continued to fall from them and he put his forehead against my own softly. His lips were inches from mine but kissing him now was the furthest thing from my mind. When he spoke, the air that left his body entered mine with a sweet emotion filled taste.

Two words was all he said, and even though he had said them before I knew he meant them now more then ever now. The anguish in his voice translated the feelings he was holding away from me. Tears and heartache filled his voice as the words left his mouth. The warmth that had covered my head left as he did and I suddenly felt cold and lonely. Though everything that had happened today did affect me in more ways than I showed, he still was my everything. I still loved him and I always would. And that's the reason I would always remember the day that my Edward, the little wide eyed boy Edward, told me "I'm sorry" and meant it. I will remember because I love him.

-:-

Edward left after apologizing, to go where I couldn't tell you. Soon Alice and Rosalie entered the room and comforted me as best they could. Rosalie was furious at something she could not explain and Alice held me together as pieces of me fell apart behind my emotionless face. Esme let Jenny in and Alice made her leave. Emmett or Jasper brought up an ice bag for each of my arms and said something I didn't hear. All I knew was that Edward left and they didn't know where he went. His keys and wallet were gone. That was all I heard because their words meant nothing to me.

I think Esme might have come in with Carlisle at one time. I felt his cool fingers against my skin as he looked at my bruises and Esme as she pushed some hair out of my face. I heard some of the words they through around, like catatonic or something, as my ears would wisp in and out of there conversation. It had been so long since I had seen them and I had missed them so much, but I couldn't find it in me to acknowledge their presence.

My head was turned to the side right now as I looked into nothing. Alice was staring back at me as she laid on her side. As far as I knew I was still in her bed but I couldn't move to give it back to her. She looked into my eyes like she was looking for something; like she was searching deep inside me for something I wouldn't show. She was trying to say something through her eyes but I wouldn't listen. I didn't watch her but I didn't want to look away from her eyes. I couldn't find it in me to move.

But behind my motionless expression, there were thoughts. My Edward was gone; he was lost in a sea that was himself. So, for now I settled with the Edward in my head. I replayed memories over and over again of the meadow and such. He was so beautiful and so happy then. When did everything go wrong? After my stupid prank or after Jenny started her rumors about me; no, it was neither of those things. It all started way before this. When exact time I don't know, but this has been building up for a while now. And it was just let loose.

I wasn't asleep but I wasn't awake either. My eyes were open right now but I couldn't see anything. Maybe I just wasn't looking hard enough, or maybe I just wasn't trying. It felt like it just didn't matter anymore. The one person I needed most was gone; he had changed into something that I couldn't even attempt to explain. The man I loved was gone; it was obvious with the way he had acted tonight. But I saw him every once and a while, the wide-eyed scared little boy that I loved. He was in there somewhere, but it was a rare occasion to have my Edward be seen.

I would have to be okay because this was my decision to not give him a chance. It was my decision to let him go. It was my decision, and in the end everything would ultimately be my fault.

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**read.review.quote. **

**Okay, I know it's been a while, but I still updated. That's always a good sign that I'm alive and I still care. And go read Saying Goodbye, I'm really loving this story right now and it needs to get more love.**

**Okay, WOW. You guy are amazing! I asked for maybe 50 if you could and you give me 63, geez I feel loved. Now beat that record. Just kidding :) But seriously, try. It really means a lot to me. And the chapter was a bit longer because of it. Plus you get a free **_quote_** when you **_review_** so that's a plus. Soooo REVIEW and I'll send you a QUOTE from the next chapter!**

**I kinda guess you guy weren't expecting that because I wasn't either. and my new favorite thing, second to twilight, is The Dark Knight in Imax. WOW, it's amazing.**

**A vote on the poll. I had one up to see how many people thought Twilight was anti-feminest but then I got scared that I might offend people. And to make it clear, I don;t think Anything about Twilight is anti-feminest and I didn't like Breaking Dawn. I could seriously go on about the whole thing, but all I will say is that people are only bringing it up because Twilight is so big and they're trying to find something bad about it. If you really read it and look at the characters, Bella controls Edward more so then he does her. And if I was that deeply in love, I would consider changing my species if it meant to be with him. And Edward doesn't want her to change, she's the one makeing the choice all on her own. Uhg, sorry. I read an article that pissed me off. It happens. **

**Okay, school on monday, Sucks big time. So that means theater might take over my life again. But who know, that might mean speedier updates! :)**

**REVIEW! I love them. Feel free to say anything, di14 always does. And I put alot into this chapter and I would like some feedback. Please?**

**And have you guys ever considered Stephenine Meyer being an author on here? But she might just be pretending to be someone else? If I were her, I would do it.**

**_Love to all,_**

**_Miss Wannabe_**


	10. It Is Time

_Thanks to my beta __**flamingo1325**__ for editing this!_

_Chapter 9:_

_Fixing the Invisibly Broken_

_This is what you asked for…_.

_And the world will move on without you…_

_Are you happy now?…_

_It's not your fault…_

_I should be better than this, you deserve better…_

_Maybe it's not meant to be…_

_Maybe it is…_

_It is time…_

My eyes shot open and I took in the room that held me. I could see nothing except darkness. I could feel nothing, not even the feeling of numbness. All my tears had vanished and I was now left with the flat line of life. The only light that met my eyes was from under the door where I heard the sound of footsteps increasing towards me.

The door opened and the light invaded the darkness. My body stayed still as my eyes tried to adjust to the new presence that stood in the doorway. Broad shoulders and a tall frame stood before me. The shape of a male figure blocked some of the light from my view and I was okay with that. The light was not welcome in my darkness.

"Bella?" His low voice echoed through the room softly, as if not to startle me. This voice was not one of Edward's velvet or Emmett's wit. This one was ready for whatever battle laid before him.

"Jasper?" Sleep was present in my voice as my body attempted to stretch just a little. I lightly yawned and noticed the sour taste in my mouth. I made a small mental note to keep my words short until I found the time to remove the stench. Not that I really wanted to talk; but Jasper was the kind of person that could make you want to reveal any secrets you ever had.

I only moved a little, but it was enough to satisfy my drained body. My eyes focused on him better and I saw he held something in his hands. I turned until I was laying on my side and my back faced him. He soon answered the unasked question.

"Esme thought you might be hungry so she made you some soup." I made no attempts to answer him because I wasn't hungry. "It's chicken noodle, Esme's recipe." He said in an attempt to persuade me to eat something.

I stayed quiet and closed my eyes. Maybe more sleep was what I needed.

"Bella?" I stayed silent.

The luscious smell of the soup entered my lungs but hunger could not be found. He sighed then shut the door. I assumed he had left until I felt a part of the bed sink in. A click sounded through the room and I saw the light through the skin of my eyelid. But still, my body stayed motionless.

"Bella, can you look at me?" He asked. "Bella, please?" He asked again, desperation in his voice. "Bella, it's only me and the door is closed. I won't leave until you talk to me." I knew he would keep his word. He could be as stubborn as me sometimes.

"Go away." I said in a quiet voice that I knew he wouldn't be able to hear. Unfortunately, he did.

"No." He said. I tuned onto my other side and my shoulder fell but I made no noise until the words left my mouth involuntarily.

"Please Jasper…just go away." I asked desperately. Couldn't he tell that I didn't feel like talking? Well, apparently not.

"Bella…you can't stay in here forever." He said.

"Who says I can't?" I said, my stubborn attitude kicking in against my will. I put my arm under the pillow that held my head and snuggled into it more to prove my point. The stench in my mouth was long forgotten by then. The more I talked the more he would talk. Why my brain couldn't understand that I'll never know.

"Because Alice will need her room back eventually." He said with amusement in his voice. I was not emotionally stable at the moment which was the main reason why I wanted to be left alone. I didn't have a response to give so silence soon rang through the room.

After a minute or so the bed lightly shifted and his hand found my arm. My eyes shot opened and I flinched at the contact. His hand landed on my bruise and the feeling was anything but pleasant. The sharp intake of breath alerted him before the flinch could have. The bruises were still there but had slightly numbed…till now.

"I'm sorry." He said in an honest tone after a few second of silence. It was an honest mistake; that's what I kept telling myself.

"It's alright, I'm fine." I told him. The arm that had been under my pillow was now cradling the bruised part his skin had just graced. The bruise on the other side didn't hold too much pain even though I was slightly laying on it. The feeling of pain would depend on the person who was inflicting it. From me it didn't hurt too much, from others…well, like I said, it depended on the person.

"No, I mean…I'm sorry he did that to you. He went too far…" He said before his tone quieted. "What was he thinking?..." He asked himself, I think.

"You couldn't have done anything to stop it; you're not a mind reader. He did it at his own will." I said in a whisper. My eyes were still glued to the wall opposite of me as Jasper shifted again.

"I-_we_ could have done something. I don't think he meant to hurt you, but you know how he is. Sometimes his anger gets the best of him and, well, you were the closest thing in his path." He tried to defend his brother. The words were lies to all ears that could hear and he knew it. But like I said a long time ago, family always sticks together.

"He made himself angry. I gave him the answer he deserved so he had nothing to be angry at." I told Jasper as I continued to rest with my back against him.

"What answer? It must have been something big to make him fly off the handle like that." Jasper said. I should have just stayed silent but something in me wanted to talk. Why, I don't know. But sometimes time moves on better when you can't explain everything.

"I told him no." I whisper. I was still fighting with myself over why I answered with that answer. Logically it was for the best, but my heart had a different answer in mind.

"No to what?" His tone was still gentle, trusting.

"No…to everything." I said with emotion in my voice but no tears entered my eyes. The weight from the bed lifted and footstep echoed through the room. My eyes stayed glued to the wall as Jasper sat in front of me on the floor and looked me in the eye as I looked through him.

"Why did you say no?" He asked. I could see him in my line of vision but I chose not to focus on him.

"Because…he isn't Edward anymore. He's someone different." I told him.

"What makes him different than before?" He asked in a nonjudgmental way.

"He…he just isn't him. Edward, my Edward, our Edward, would have made them stop laughing at me. He would have defended me no matter what and I would have done the same for him. He cares more about what other people think than his true friends. He's mean and heartless." I said, snuggling more into the feather soft pillow. My eyes still looked through him and I think he knew.

"What do you mean defended you? How much has changed since we left?"

"A lot."

"Like what?"

"Why do you care? He's your brother, you ask him." I said, getting a little annoyed with the persistency in his voice. I looked at him then, my eyes clearly focusing, and glared.

"Bella, I'm sorry we haven't been in contact since school started. But college takes up a lot of time. If it weren't for Angela's older sister telling us we wouldn't have known, and I'm sorry. You can't hold that against us forever."

"I can try."

"Bella."

"What?" He sighed before responding.

"Just…wait a second and think. What if you were in his shoes?"

"His feet are too big."

"Bella."

"What? I wouldn't be in his shoes because I'm not as stupid as he is. I wouldn't have done what he did." I said.

"Well, what if you had and wanted to change it. What if you regretted it but were just too stubborn to say you were wrong?" He asked. I didn't answer so he continued. "Look, I don't know everything that went on between you two or what all has happened. But I do know that you two still care about each other, maybe more than you both think. Just…I know you would never do what he did, but look at it from his point of view. Just try." He said, trying to get me to understand.

I did understand and yes, if I were in Edward's shoes I would want a yes to try again. But I would understand why the answer was no. And I would accept it.

"Just ask him how he changed and leave me alone." His answer was silence. My eyes then focused on him and I saw the sad look on his face.

"I would if he were here." He said, looking away from me.

"Well, where is he?" I asked him.

"We don't know. He just…left. It's been almost two days." He said and my eyes widened.

"Two days?" I asked, baffled.

"You've been asleep for a while. It's Sunday night. Alice set some clothes out for you to have and you know she doesn't care if you use her bathroom." He answered. Above his head was a clock that showed it was almost seven o'clock and it was dark outside.

"I'm so sorry Jasper. I didn't mean to be a burden." I told him as I pushed myself up then immediately regretted it. My head stared to spin from the quick movement and I leaned back down. Bad idea considering I hadn't moved for almost two days.

"Wow, slow down. And you should know better than that, you aren't a burden. You're more than welcome to stay as long as you want."

"Charlie." I said, trying to find an excuse to leave.

"Alice called him already and said you'd be staying the rest of the weekend." He smiled and helped me lay back down, his hands not touching my bruises at all this time.

"Edward?" I asked, again. I may not want to be his friend, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. Jasper frowned.

"We don't know. He hasn't come back since he left, and he hasn't called either. We have no idea where he went." He said while sitting on the bed. I was leaning against the pillows while he sat on the edge, this time with half his back facing me.

We both stayed quiet then, lost in diverse thoughts. I didn't want to think about my last encounter with Edward so I didn't. Instead I tried to think of places he might have gone. There were so many places…Any other time I could have listed them off easily, but now that I was trying to recall the information I was drawing a blank.

It's almost like my mind wouldn't let me remember, like it wouldn't let me try to find him. I wanted to find him; I wanted him to come back. A few places popped into my head but none were really places he would go. The music store in Port Charles, The Volvo dealer ship, The baseball field at the middle school, The Mountain Lion Café where we had his fifteenth birthday, The…

_This is my favorite place to be. I would live and die here if I had the choice. It's the one place no one knows about, the one place no one and nothing can taint. I can think here, I can have an empty, free mind here. The air smells cleaner, the grass is greener, the sky is bluer…everything is better here, my very own happy place. When I'm here I feel like everything is okay and nothing matters. This is my home away from home, where part of me will always be forever and ever. It's so hard to express how much I love it here because there are no words for it. No one else knows about it. And I want to share this with you…_

"Jasper, I know where he is."

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**Hey guys, sorry about the long wait. But you understand why the wait was just a littl bit longer. And I wrote this during that week, like I said. :)**

**I though this chapter was moving a little fast, but whatever. **

**Oh, and the 'It is time' this at the beginning, it's from a play.**

**Well, not really much to say in this AN. So I will leave you with this-**

**You review and I will send you a quote. :) Please review! I got a few less for the last chapter, but I still got a lot! So I'm happy!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Love, **

**_Miss Wannabe_**


	11. The Time Has Come

**It's here :)**

**The AN is at the bottom. :)**

**Words: 2,586**

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_Thanks to my beta __**flamingo1325**__ for editing this!_

_Chapter 10:_

_The Time Has Come_

Jasper and Emmett followed behind me, both with flashlights in hand. It was dark out and cold, the usual Forks mixture. Not that the frosted winds could touch my skin. Alice made sure of it with this thick contraption of a winter coat. The gloves alone were getting on my last nerve.

"Edward!" Emmett thought yelling his name would help us find him, like a lost dog. The thing was that Edward wasn't lost, so if he did hear us coming he would probably turn the other way and run, going somewhere we would never find him. We told him this, but Emmett being Emmett, he ignored it. He thought he was doing the right thing obviously.

"Shut up Emmett!" Jasper hissed while smacking him in the back of the head, as Rose would have had she been here. But instead she was at home with Alice and Esme; probably in front of a warm, crackling fire. Carlisle was at work.

"At least I'm trying more than you are!" Emmett hissed back while rubbing the back of his head. Both him and Jasper's footsteps slowed and turned to face the other.

"I am trying! I wouldn't be out here if I wasn't!" Jasper's voice rose slightly from the hiss it had previously been. Of course, 'testosterone-filled' Emmett had to be just a little bit louder.

"Bullshi-"

"Can you two please stop acting so immature? Seriously, it's like I'm babysitting a couple of two year olds." I continued walking after saying this to them. I didn't want to be here. I was freezing, not a happy person and could care less right now. But would they let me stay home? You guess.

Their silence was deafening but their footsteps behind soon answered my unasked question. We continued through the forest path I had walked numerous times before, in search for the youngest Cullen boy. Edward. It had been about thirty to forty-five minutes, as it had always been. I was the only one that knew the path; Jasper and Emmett were just my reinforcements. I still think Alice and Rose could have done a better job.

"Hey Bella," Jasper finally said, making me look only briefly at him.

"Thanks for helping us."

I nodded just once but didn't respond otherwise. I felt responsible, and I was still scared.

"Do you think she's okay?" I heard Emmett whisper. It was obvious his words were directed towards me.

"No." Jasper responded with what sounded like gloom. I continued walking, letting them think I really was deaf.

"When we find him, we should tie him to a chair, and then threaten to destroy all of his music crap."

"It's not crap."

"Yes it is."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes it is!"

"No, it- damn it Emmett. That wouldn't do any good except piss him off more. They need to work this out on their own."

"Tell that to Rose and Alice."

I tried to stay focused on the task at hand, but found myself going back and forth. What would I say to him if he was there? What would he say? So much had happened already. Words could not change anything now. We were passed common lexis. I was only worried about his wellbeing. Our relationship was currently put on hold.

"Are you doing alright?" Emmett asked after several more moments of silence.

"Sure, I am doing fantastic," I said in a bitingly sarcastic voice.

"Sorry," Emmett mumbled, clearly ashamed of having asked.

I felt a twinge of regret for snapping at him, but my thoughts were really only focused on Edward.

We passed the old tree with a chip carved out of it. Edward had done it one day as a marker, a three forth's point. We were close.

I could see it now; the opening between the trees. Emmett and Jasper continued their banter in a whisper of silence but I ignored them. I found my feet moving just a little bit faster, and my heart beating a little faster, and the silence growing a little stronger as the brothers followed me. I told myself it was stupid to be excited to see him, and worried at the same time, but I couldn't help it. It wasn't my choice.

My bruises still sat on my arms, reminding me of his faults. Bringing a small smile to my face at the thought of the 'perfect' Edward even having faults. And as wrong as it sounds, I think that's what kept me moving forward. Not the fact that he hurt me, physically and emotionally, but of his faults. The way his temper would flare at the smallest things but then he would feel idiotic for it afterwards, how he was always overly stubborn with everything, how he loved his piano and drove a silver Volvo and listened to classical music, how he would make mistakes and always try to fix anything that was wrong. As easy as it was to hate him, I didn't want to. Loving him was harder.

The forest broke and the meadow came into view. Our place. The moon shined down on it, making the grass glow and the world to pause. I relaxed for only a second as my breath fanned out in front of me in a fog, then my heart rate rose again. Then it stopped and I screamed.

I opened my eyes and was met with white. The beeping of the monitor caught my attention. It wasn't any different from before, nothing was different. Edward was still unconscious on the bed, his eyes closed and his skin still cool to the touch. We made it through the arch of the trees and saw him on the ground. He looked like he was asleep with his back towards us underneath a tree, curled up with his jacket over him like a blanket. We knew better.

When we got to him he was sleeping, peacefully and quietly. His skin was tinted an unnatural blue shade and he was barely breathing. His heartbeat was almost non-existent. I think that might have been what scared me the most.

I held his hand in mine under the mounds of blankets covering him. Dr. Cullen, Carlisle, had been checking in on him every twenty or so minutes. The rest of the Cullens were in various places in the hospital. Alice and Jasper were in the cafeteria, Esme was in the nurse's station and Rosalie and Emmett were in Carlisle's office. They wanted to be here for him, but not see him like this. They needed hope for his soon recovery; in his current state it was hard to find any. I would probably be doing the same as them, but I couldn't because then he would be alone. What if he woke up and no one was here for him? What then? Loneliness was the worst feeling of all and I refused to force it upon him.

Carlisle said it was malnutrition and dehydration mixed with the weather that kept him asleep. Physically, he was alright. No bruises, not wounds, just the blue of his skin.

He hasn't woken up yet. They are trying to warm up his body and hydrate it and stuff before doing anything else. They were so sure it was only this. But what if it was something else, aside from these things? Carlisle said he wasn't sure when he would be awake, just that he _should_ wake up. I honestly don't know what to think anymore.

Just as these thoughts were starting to upset me again, I heard a small knock on the door. With my hand still enveloped with Edward, I turned to see Alice standing there, with no smile to brighten my day.

"Bella, come down to the cafeteria, you should eat something." She said very softly, as if anything louder would break us. I shook my head and turned back to Edward.

"I can't. He needs me." I said just as softly.

"Bella, please. You need a break- it will be easier for you. Seeing him like this-" she started, but trailed off and sniffled.

I heard another heavy intake of breath come from her and knew she was crying again. Alice loved her brother, and I knew it was tearing her apart just as much to see him like this. Wanting her to leave- for my sanity and her happiness- I shook my head again and turned back to look at her.

"I won't leave him. I want to stay here," I said as I stifled my own sob induced intake of breath. "Go stay with Jasper. I'm fine," I lied, very poorly as usual. She knew it and acted on it.

"Bella, you aren't fine. At least come to the bathroom with me and let me freshen you up or something." I shook my head again and rolled my eyes behind my lids. Usual Alice, even in this situation.

"Alice, no-"

"Do you really want him to wake up and find you like this?" She indicated with her hands, towards my choice of wardrobe. The winter jacket was gone, and I was now left with a sweat covered long sleeved shirt and blue jeans. I looked like I hadn't sleeps in years.

"I-I-"

"Come on. It will only be for a few minutes. We can use the private bathroom in Carlisle's office." She could see the apprehension on my face. "Bella, nothing has changed for hours. What are the chances he would wake up now?" I sighed and knew she was right. Besides, my legs were begging for movement.

I looked over at him, his blue paled skin standing out against the winter of the sheets. With one last squeeze of his hand, I kissed his forehead and left him for only a moment. So much can change in only a moment.

"He's going to be okay Bella." Alice tried to reassure me, but it wouldn't work.

"I know." My worries were still the same and they wouldn't change until he was okay.

"Do you wanna talk?" She asked as I wiped my face clean. My shower had been quick and I was now clean. Not really presentable, but I smelled better.

"No."

She sighed but said no more. Alice had brought a bag of things; new clothes, shampoo and conditioner, etc. She was always prepared for anything.

I came out with some comfy long stretchy pants and a plain blue T-shirt, nothing special. Alice was sitting on the couch, a small smile on her face. Something was about to change.

"So…are you tired?" She asked. A blanket and pillow were set up next to her feet; the action warmed my heart.

"Not really. I don't think I would be able to sleep anyway."

"Oh. Well, if you do get tired, feel free to use the couch. Carlisle doesn't mind. And I went and got you a blanket and stuff to."

"Thanks." I crossed my arms instinctively. Awkwardness was setting in, even though there was no need for it. It was strange to be feeling this around her now. We had shared everything, known everything about the other. Now we were strangers. And it hurt.

"I'm sorry." She said aloud. Confusion set in my veins.

"For what?"

"Edward." She looked down at her hands that were in a moving twisted glob.

"What do you mean?"

"Well…for whatever happened between you to. Both of you are obviously unhappy." She said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Alice, you shouldn't apologize for things you can't control." I tried to uplift her spirit with the truth.

"I'm his older sister and your best friend. I should have done something." She stood from the couch and walked up to me. Tears glistened her eyes. "I promise I will fix this."

"Nothing is broken." I lied.

"And I will fix your lying skills." She smiled then at my caught fib. I followed in her footsteps. She stood on her tippy toes and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into a strong but soft hug. Then she whispered four words I will never forget. "I will fix you."

I would have responded with something sarcastic and smile filled. I would have sighed or rolled my eyes. I would of done something had the door not opened, and a panting Jasper skidded into the room.

"He's awake!" He said, still catching his breath and smiling. Alice squealed but I froze. She noticed this and grabbed my arms in a death grip.

"Come on!" She smiled. I was pulled from my spot, and brought running down the halls to the stairway. The only thing covering my feet was a pair of white socks but I didn't really mind. I had more important things to worry about.

What would I say? What would he say? What if I walk through the door, and he has a look of horror covering his face? What if he doesn't remember me? What if he doesn't care?

"Elevator! The janitors are cleaning the stairs!" Jasper said, so we made a sharp turn around a corner. Alice was still holding me with some magical type of force unseen by any other human. I shouldn't be surprised.

"Alice…arm…" I said while trying to catch my breath. She loosed it enough so blood could pump through it, though it still was pretty tight. We stopped at the elevators right when they opened, weaving through the people who were only trying to get out. Jasper punched the button marked 3, and the doors closed.

It was only a second or so of pure tranquility. Cheesy elevator music filled the air but none of us said a word. Our breath and minds were just trying to slow down for these last few seconds when everything was one. Then the doors opened.

"Come on Bella!" Her death grip was back and we were gone. Even though the time was early, a few nurses at the nurse's station gave us funny looks; especially the one with curly brown hair.

She looked at us like we were crazy, and was about to stop us when another nurse stopped her. We ignored all of it though. They didn't matter right now.

I could see his door was open, though nothing that was inside of it. The moment I saw it something changed in me, and I found myself moving a little faster towards the end of the hallway. I was in perfect sync with both Jasper and Alice; my clumsiness forgotten. I didn't care what he thought or said anymore, just that he was there and awake. All I wanted was to talk to him, let him know that everything will be okay. He doesn't have to run.

My feet carried me just a step in font of Alice. We were almost there. I could feel the tears pool in my eyes as a small smile formed on my face. I was almost there. I was almost to Edward. Then I turned into his room and saw he wasn't alone.

He was holding someone in a loving embrace. And it wasn't me.

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**I suck. I know. No need to rub it in.**

**So...for those of you who didn't get my little note, here's what it said-**

Okay, if you guys still remember the story, great, if not, I don't blame you. I've been a horrible person and author and I am sorry. I'm not going to make up a tone of excuses, just the truth. Writers block. You're probably sick of hearing that by now, but it's the truth. And I've been working on my book. So far I've had a few - _more then a few - _bumps in the road but it's coming along in my head quiet nicely. I just got a job, I'm in a musical and I need to do better in my classes and raise my GPA. It sucks right now, and I'm sorry of this offends anyone, but school is a little more important to me. I hate it, but I need it.

So if you hate me, that's fine. If not, then I hope you enjoy the next chapter. I'm working on it now then I'm going to send it to my beta. Her classes end next Wednesday, so the chap might not be out until then. Hopefully this sliver of a quote helps.

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Thanks for reviewing!

Quote: "As easy as it is to hate him, I didn't want to. Loving him was harder."

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:)(:

-:- Go VOTE on my NEW poll!

-And go vote on this little thing I got published on. It's a piece of crap. Seriously. I wrote it in like a time span of five minutes because I needed a grade in Creative Writing. Well, this just proves ones persons trash is another's treasure. I think.

www teenink com/raw/Fiction/article/65426/Home/

If the stupid link doesn't work and you still want it, PM me for it and I'll try again.

And again, I'm sorry.

**- So, yeah. That's my** **apology so don't be to harsh. **

**Okay, on to something more happy. Right now I'm working on a musical...THE DARK KNIGHT IS OUT!!...I'm now 17...It's almost Christmas...IT SNOWED IN HOUSTON YESTERDAY!!! global warming my...I hate chemistry, spanish, and algebra...I still have bad grammer...I now have a job. Joy...um...I can't think of much else. Sorry. It's a brainfart moment.**

**But, yeah. You review, I'll send you a quote from the next chapter unless you don't want it. Just say so if you don't. :) I hope you enjoyed it! I would like some feedback please. :)**

**----_----_----_----_----_----**

**TWILIGHT MOVIE! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**

**Okay. I would love to share my thoughts on them, but I wont post them here because I don't want to ruin it for other people. So relax, no spoilers.**

**Except for this- Kristen Stewart needs to take some acting lessons and stop smoking. And Rosalie. She needs to take some classes too. Re-cast her PLEASE! **

**And no more director. What do you think about her work and the new person directing it, even thought we don't know who it is yet?**

**Let's share!!!**

**_Love to all in this festive season,_**

**_Miss Wannabe_**

**_:)(:_ **


	12. The Sun at Night

**Words: 2,625 (ff)**

**My words are at the bottom.**

**Enjoy, and don't feel bad or stupid if you have to go back and reread the story. I did it.**

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_Thanks to my beta _**_flamingo1325_**_ for editing this!_

_Chapter 11:_

_The Sun at Night_

He had life to his skin, but not much. His beauty was still there, as always. Against the white of the sheets and the size of his bed, his innocence was breathtaking and he was my Edward again. The one who fell out of the old oak tree and scraped his knee then went crying to his mommy; the same one who taught me math and held me through scary movies. The monster was hidden for now and I was happy for that. I need more time to remember what was lost.

I stood in the door way after Alice and Jasper ran in. I looked at him and the new installments. Nothing had changed from before, I was still wounded from our last confrontation but I still remember the truth that was traced in his words. Though they didn't make anything okay at all, they were a start. The light that had entered my mood quickly faded as I looked at them. It was to be expected of course. Fate wanted it so fate will have it.

I couldn't see their faces, just their body language. She held him close, as he did to her. Her dark brown, near to black, hair covered his features so I couldn't see the pure bliss that covered his face. The only confusing part in this whole scenario is that this girl wasn't Jenny. It was someone new.

Her skin was tinted a brown that suggested she was from the reservation. Her clothing was homey and subtle and I could sense the smile she held on her face. She had curves, but the healthy kind. From what I could see, she was beautiful. And everything that I wasn't.

They separated and I blinked a few times. He really was a wake. The previous jealousy from before was quickly forgotten when I saw his opened eyes. He was smiling at her but I didn't notice that part or that her hand still rested in the crook of his neck. Just that he was awake and okay and…happy.

The group continued talking and I noticed a few more people who had invaded the room. Another female with similar skin and lighter hair sat in the corner, conveying that she was a force to be reckoned with. Then I noticed the two giants in the room. One stood close to the girl on the bed with Edward. His hair was a little longer and he was definitely the biggest, a titan. He seemed like somebody you wouldn't want to stand up against. The other was equal in size, if not a pound or two lighter, and had shorter hair. His baby features were cute and welcoming. He was definitely attractive. A blind nun could see that. But I'm neither of those things and he has nothing to offer me.

I felt like I was on the outside looking in, as always. The new people and Alice and Jasper just fit together perfectly. They were everything they needed for each other and they didn't need me. I knew this but it still hurt to tell myself each time. I turned then, away from my past family and sat in the chair beside the door in the hallway. I didn't want to interrupt anything that was happening. If they needed me, I would be here for them, waiting.

I didn't mean to but their words floated to my ears and I listened intently. I know, eavesdropping is bad. But everyone in the world does it and I had no idea who the new people were and despite everything, I just wanted to hear his voice.

"Don't you ever do that again or you will have something to be sorry about," a woman's voice said. I'm guessing it was the one who was hugging Edward before. The girl in the chair didn't fit its soft natured tone.

"I know Emily, I'm sorry." His voice was so weak and it scared me. It was right for it to be that way. It made his apology that much more believable.

"What would your mother do if…" She left off there, leaving the rest to an imagination that none of us wanted.

"Yeah dumbass. Please spare us the trouble of having to find your sorry excuse for a life." The bitch in the corner said. Her voice was like nails on a chalk board. Unwanted and ugly.

"Leah...." I strong male figure said; I'm assuming it was the one with the longer hair.

"It's not like you helped any." There, that was the other voice. It was light natured but stern and strong in that moment. It was almost frightening.

"Shut up Sam." She said, a strained but vile tone in her voice.

It was quiet for a moment before Edward spoke. "Thank you for coming. I'm sorry if I caused you any distress." A phone rang and the boy apologized before leaving the room. I straightened my back and tried to look nonchalant about listening to them. He walked and closed the door behind him, his back to me. He only took a few steps away from me, barely any distance at all. I huffed in annoyance that I shouldn't have had. Though it shouldn't have been there, it still was.

He pulled the silver device from his pocket and opened it. I didn't care to listen to his words because that would have been rude.

I looked at him as he kept his back to me while he talked on the phone. He was definitely taller than Edward and more built. He had Indian tanned skin and short black hair that was messy but not in the Edward way—nothing could ever match his. He wore simple shoes, jeans and a white T-shirt with what looked to be oil stains on it I'm guessing. I'm not nor will I ever be a car person. And I'm okay with that.

The phone snapped shut and I looked away, not wanting him to know I had been looking at his back side. I blushed involuntarily. I wasn't looking at him like _that_, but he would probably think that and—

"Hellloooooo?" His massive paws waved in front of my face, effectively catching my attention. I looked up and blushed again. He was staring at me and I couldn't help but stare back. I saw the depth of his dark brown eyes and felt the need to look for more.

"Um…hi." I said like an idiot. But he smiled lightly.

"Were you waiting to see Edward, because I doubt he would mind if you came in." The boy without a name said.

"N-No…I'm just waiting on Alice and Jasper." I said, my fib sounding near to believable. Before I knew it he was sitting next to me for some reason. I looked at his smiling face with confusion.

"I'll wait with you." What? I don't know this person. "I've been in there for a little while and I want to give Alice and Jasper some time with him. One less body should help." He was still looking down at me with that same goofy smile. Not like Emmett's, nothing like Emmett's. It was playful and childlike with the innocence I used to have. For a moment, it made me forget whose life I was living.

"Oh…okay." Then that awkward silence fell into place and neither of us said anything.

"Hi. I'm Jacob." He said sticking his hand out of nowhere; I looked at it then shook it. His touch was sizzling against my own and I liked it. It made me feel like I was on the beach on a cool summer day with the sun beating down on me. It was refreshing to say the least.

This random act caught me off guard, but I didn't show it. I think. "Hi. I'm Bella." I said before taking my hand away from his fire. Jacob…It seemed to fit him for some reason. His broad shoulders and warm exterior felt so inviting. I welcomed the feeling with open arms.

"Hey, I think we've met before." He said, continuing on with a story I knew nothing about. "You're Isabella Swan, right? My dad is Billy Black." He said, waiting for my response.

Recognition crossed my features so he continued, glad that he wasn't making a fool out of himself I'm assuming. Our dads were best friends. They fished almost every weekend and pretty much forced the both of us to spend time together when we were growing up.

"We use to play together in the summers were we were younger." A vision flashed past my eyes and I saw us one summer. The sun was out and the game was on. Jacob and I couldn't have been any older than ten, though we both thought we knew everything. We were sitting on a white log arguing about something stupid. It had something to do with…jeez, I really don't remember.

But anyway, we ended up getting into an argument and he threw sticks at me. I tripped over a rock, as usual, and started to cry because it really hurt. Jacob felt guilty so he carried me back all the way to his house. He was still mean to me after that but never to the point where skin was broken. On his part at least.

I smiled, forgetting everything that lead to this point. "Oh yeah, I remember! You use to throw mud at me." I said, recalling another memory of one of his famous mud pies becoming intimate with my face. Mud pies and sticks…boys will be boys.

He blushed a little and I had to stop myself from pinching his cheeks. He looked so innocent, so young and untainted. I just found it impossible for him to be real and here now, with me.

"Oh, um, sorry about that. I…um…yeah…" He actually looked nervous. His massive hand reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. Behind his ear I saw a small scar that I kind of wanted to touch but didn't in fear of, well, looking like a complete psychotic freak.

We were quiet for a minute and he looked back at me, his brown pools pulling me in deeper into something I didn't know. I looked at him just as intently as he looked at me. A voice in the back of my head questioned if something was on my face but it was quickly buried. All I noticed were his thick eyebrows and long eyelashes that framed those beautiful eyes. I found myself looking into them, falling into them even though the bottom was unclear. But I wanted to see, I wanted to fall.

"So…what's been new with you?" He broke the silence that had been created. I was sad to see it go but got over it quickly.

"Oh, um, nothing much really…" I said, looking away from him. I could sense another question, so I beat him to the punch. "What about you?"

He beamed with pride and opened his mouth to speak. "Well, I've been working on cars for a while now."

"Really? How so?" I truly was intrigued. I know I said I would never be a car person but it doesn't hurt t hear a few things on the subject.

"Well, nothing much. Just fixing a few things here and there for some people on the reserve who need it. But I have a Rabbit in the garage that I'm working on making a beauty." He was shy when he spoke about it but I could still see the pride. He loved what he did so why be embarrassed by it?

"A rabbit?" I asked, not really thinking before speaking. Jacob looked at me for a second before bursting out laughing. Tears formed in his eyes and fell down his face. Passing nurses looked at us strangely but never said anything. Jacob's laugh echoed against the walls until he finally got in under control and looked at me like I was the idiot.

"It's a car." I was the idiot.

I flushed a bright red but I couldn't help but smile and laugh lightly along with him. It was infectious. After a tear or two our giggles were under control and we regained our composure. With the smiles still on our faces, we started the staring game again and I felt myself falling. His angled cheek bones and beautiful face never stood a chance against Edward but…

Edward…

Edward…

Edward!

I looked away, shocked at how I had acted. Here Edward was in his death bed and I was…I was…I don't even know what I was doing.

"Bella?" Jacobs's voice caught my attention. "Is something wrong?" He sounded alert and ready for a challenge. Too bad it was my fight.

"Um, no…I just…I just…" I stumbled over my words, not really knowing what it was I needed to do. Jacob fixed that.

"You want to see Edward." He said in a flat voice that caught me off guard. It was almost cold but not quite. It was Jacob. His voice was never cold. Was it?

"Um…maybe…"

"Go ahead, they are about to leave." He said with the same voice before standing. I stood along with him, not wanting to see him go.

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked, suddenly afraid to lose my sun in the middle of the night.

"I have to get back home. I drove Leah here and there is no was she would willingly wait." I felt my blood pump a little fast at the sound of her name. Stupid bitch…

"Oh, okay then," I said looking more than a little deflated. I knew what I was doing but I had no idea why. It was just a boy, just Jacob who I hadn't seen in a while. Why did I care so much? The angel on my shoulder knew but she decided to keep it to herself.

He turned to me and that same flame returned to his eyes.

"Hey, my dad is coming over to your house for the game this weekend. He's been badgering me to come along for a while now."

"Why haven't you come then?"

"I haven't had a reason to, until now that is."

I would have given birth to a red tomato if it were humanly possible. Two seconds later, The Bitch, The Soft Natured Whore and The Titan walked out of the room telling Jacob it was time to go. He didn't even glance at them as they passed. He just kept looking at me. Then he spoke those words ever so softly, "Goodbye Bella, until next time." Then he was gone.

I stood there for a moment, shocked into what had just happened. What…Was…was he…flirting? This is humanly impossible and I am calling BS on this madness. Smiling I turned and my head fell from the clouds as I saw those green eyes piercing back into mine.

That Bella was gone and the real one was back. This was my life and there was no hiding from it. No one could save me. Why god would force me to feel so happy, even for a second, only to have it stripped away was beyond me. But when I looked into Edwards eyes and saw him looking back at me in that way, I understood whether I wanted to or not.

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**So, yeah. As you saw, I had to go back and reread my own story. My suckage can not be summed up into words. I remembered the basic story line and that I loved it, just a few little things were fuzzy, I'm telling you this so you wont feel back if you had to. :)**

**BOOM! IN YOUR FACE! Bet you didn't see that coming, now, did you?? Tell me your thoughts, and as you know, if you give me the BS version of your thoughts, That pisses me off. Now if you really are sayinh nice things I'm not going to reply back being a bitch like 'WTF! LIAR!' Um, not. I'm not a dumb as. I makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I know someone likes my work. But I also relize that I am not the best and I could use the crisisism (That could not be spelled more wrong)Please be fair, share the truth and love:)**

**And I hope this helps those of you who have been waiting. But I have 3 weeks of school left (maybe. If someone get the Swine flu, we get shut down for 2 weeks. YAY! no, not really. I need to make and 80 in Spanish or I am dead. You hear me? DEAD! so wash your hands please!) Prays for me.**

**Tell me what you think about Jake-poo. I kind of like him. Though I think he might get a little playful in the next ch or so. WHAT?!? the next chapter is done.**

**1/2 people. But that's still enough for a Quote!**

**And you people that reviewed all got your quotes and it made me cry in joy! You have no Idea how much I love your reviews and I read them ALL. I promise. They mean so much to me, I can't even begin to describe it.**

**So please REVIEW my love's, and, oh, who know. Maybe you'll see what happens with Jake and Bella...or is it Jenny and Bella...**

**:)(:**

**I love you!!! And Thank you for sticking with me when so many deserted me!**

**Miss Wannabe**

_fyi: I know, the grammer in the note ain't spectacular. but it is 1:06 AM on a monday night and I am sleep. I love and care about all of you guys, just not this fricken note! :)(:_


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